a tall personality

Improvisation and recapituation

2012-02-12T23:27:00.000-08:00

When I was a freshman in high school, I was second chair trumpet in the concert band, but the really good kids, they were in the jazz band. The jazz band was the elite, cool band who met before school even started. I remember that year when the jazz band came back from the UAF jazz festival where Ingrid Jensen (professional trumpet player) had been the featured artist. I remember them trying to imitate how she played, and talking about all the things they had learned, and all the fun they had on the trip. I though to myself, "I am NOT missing out on that next year! I'm joining the jazz band!" Aaaand I did.
From my sophomore year on I got to play lead in the concert and jazz band. I found myself spending extra hours before and after school in the band room practicing, taking lessons, playing around with different instruments, and getting to know music. I never went anywhere without my trumpet, just in case I found a spare moment to play. The admonitions of my trumpet teacher/band director ran through my head, "If you stop playing for a week, you lose 2 weeks of practice!" I took this very seriously. I remember calculating if I took 3 days off, that would mean I was back to where I was 6 days ago which was last Saturday! I couldn't stand the idea, so I practiced relentlessly. I loved it.

Jazz band my senior year (I'm second from the left on the top row. I am pretty sure I was wearing some black flip flops. Classy indeed.)

Playing at UAF in some...band...honor band? I can't remember, just felt like I had to post these pictures as proof that I DID play once, and I was kinda good, for a high school kid anyway.

WARNING! RANDOM TANGENT AHEAD!

Also, when I was looking for those pictures, I also found these! I couldn't resist sharing them. All of these pictures were taken in French class, one of the best classes I have ever had (and I have been going to school for about 20 years, so that's a lot of classes to compare to)

As you can clearly see, we learned a lot of French.

Back to the music story...

I had a wonderful teacher and mentor, Mr. Lee. He was fresh out of college, and spent endless amounts of time helping me make my all-state tapes, practice my solos, understand the changes in the jazz tunes, and giving me priceless nuggets of advice I still think of quite often. This is a picture of me with Mr. Lee's mentor who we simply called "Harbaugh" (and two of his other students).

Through Mr. Lee, Harbaugh cast a long shadow over my trumpet playing. Mr. Lee did what Harbaugh said, and I did was Mr. Lee said, which worked wonderfully for me in high school.

However, I hadn't really figured out who I was and who I wanted to be as a musician yet. I had a hard time connecting with the pieces I played, and the worst was my improvisation. It was pathetic, at best. I really couldn't do it at all, despite practicing for hours a day, and understanding the basic theory behind it, it just never clicked for me.

I went to college, played in a band for one semester, put my trumpet away and basically never took it back out again. I didn't have a mentor, and I didn't have enough internal drive and direction to keep going.

THEN, last weekend, I went up to Rexburg to hear my brother, Herbert (A-MAZING drummer), play in the top jazz band at BYU-I. It was incredible, and guess who the featured artist was...Ingrid Jensen. Are you seeing the recapitulation here? Their concert was inspring. Ingrid was everything my friends had told me about twelve years ago, when I very first decided to start playing jazz!

Herbert invited me to attend a class Ingrid was teaching on improvisation with him. After lightly scolding me for being a 'former trumpet player', she talked about the importance of hours of practice, and learning from the greats, but also never trying to sound like anyone but yourself. That resonated with me. If I played now, I would love it because I know who I am in a much deeper way than I did in high school. I feel like the piece that was always missing for me is finally in place. Listening to her talk and play, and seeing how much Herbert loves to play sparked my old passion for music.

This passion has been slowly regrowing though. This last year I started to draw and paint occasionally. Lately I have been going 'blues dancing', and I think I love it for the same reason I love jazz; it's about connection, creativity, trying to complement the other person by what you do, and most of all, about using what you feel to create something beautiful. Improvisation.

Today I sat down at a piano and started to plunk out some melodies and chords...before I knew it I had written a song! It was simple, but it flowed, and I liked it. It was totally mine, not trying to sound like anyone or anything else. That was the first time in a looonnngggg time that I created music that meant something to me! Nothing has been able to replace music in my life. Not dance, not art, not writing, certainly not science. I finally realized that.

I'd love to say that I'm going to pick my trumpet back up and become AWESOME...but I think the most I can promise myself is that I'm going to learn to make music that is really mine. Finally.

It feels good to reconnect with something that originally came naturally for me...but just got too hard to do for a little while. Recapitulation. I highly recommend it.

Oh, and the best part about the trip to Rexburg....behold!

The footie pajamas! Annie and Herbert are the BEST!

And if you ever have a chance to see Herbert play in a band, GO! So worth it :)

Idaho is McCalling you!

2012-02-05T22:48:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I made the very wise choice to go to McCall Idaho to visit old and very wonderful friends, and see the Ice Carving contest! McCall, you have it going on! On a lake, in the mountains, kinda rustic and woodsy- it's as close to perfection as the lower 48 can offer in my humble option (the true humility of which is debatable).

So Friday night 5 of us packed into Michael's car and went careening for 9 hours down icy roads of death! Actually the roads were generally dry and there were only a few moments I would have classified as "careening" :) Thanks to Travis we were equipped for most emergencies with a 5 pound bag of gummy bears!

We arrived at the "cabin" in Donnelly late late that night, and pretty much went straight to bed so that we wouldn't be monsters the next day. Luckily that worked out for us well, and there were no monster outbreaks the whole trip!

Then it was the day we had all been waiting for! We were all so excited that we jumped out of bed at sunup and were fed, dressed, and ready to go by 8 am! Hahaha just kidding, I think we finally left the house around noon :) Not for lack of excitement though.

Becky, Heidi, and me in the car on the way to McCall

The Ice Sculpture theme was something about adventure, which mostly meant that they had really cool slides and things to play on! We showed those little kids how to properly use an ice slide, someone had to do it!

Travis (who we calle J Travis for this trip, since there were two Travis's), Emily, and Kristin cruising McCall town

Who did I find up there in the frozen north? Who else but Liz Embick! It was so much fun to see her and catch up!

Kime and Heidi with the rest of the crew in the background

That's T-Rav (the other Travis) in the black jacket sledding down a little hill. We may or may not have commandeered a sled from a kid in order to take turns having a sledding experience ourselves. We couldn't help it, it was just toooo tempting! (and the kid let us borrow it, don't worry)

Don't eat the pictures, NO NO NO!

See following link for background to this obscure reference

One of Sesame Street's greatest lessons

Me and Heidi and T-Rav, that sneaker

Best look on T-Rav's face. This is one of my favorites just for that look

There were these awesome deer also wandering the streets of McCall and eating fruit off the trees

Most awesome slide. Behind it is a tent made out of ice, complete with ice wood-stove inside (not for real use, of course)! This one was made by the Forest Service

Doesn't Liz look like a speed racer? She don't do nothin' half way (in the colloquial sense, of she does everything all the way, not the literal sense of everything she does she only does half way. Ok that's enough clarification now, Sarah)

After spending most of the day outside looking around at all the sculptures, we went to the traditional pizza place for lunch/dinner/. While there we started a new tradition by convincing the new people that we had an old tradition of the new people singing a song for everyone else! They chose the classic piece, 'Once there was a snow man'. And here are J Travis, Liz, Sam, and T-Rav doing the tall tall tall part!

In the sun he melted, small, small, small.

It was a very memorable rendition, complete with some pretty fabulous elaboration of the movements taught in primary (SAM!). I wish I had the video to post here!

We were so excited just to get warm plates before out pizza

Some of the folks at the table- we demolished 5 large pizzas! No mercy for pizza with the Hatch family!

Michael practicing his 'smolder'. Actually I think I caught him chewing gum :) Looks like a pretty good smolder to me though.

Originally we weren't planning on staying up at the cabin for church, so about half of us had to improvise for church clothes. The lovely Elizabeth loaned out some of her lovely clothes, and the day was saved!

This is Emily, she just turned 16 and she is so cute! I've known her for almost as long as I have known Heidi (like 6 years?) so I've kind of watched her grow up. You know, even when she was 10 she was wise and kind beyond her years. Now that she is 16, I think she is about ready to be president of the United States.

The whole crew outside of church on Sunday. There are a few people who couldn't make it this year and we dearly missed them, but maybe next year, right?

Love and Beauty

2011-12-13T23:45:00.000-08:00

Today I heard an amazing lady tell an amazing story and I want to share it.

Here is some context first: I heard this story with my friend who is a survivor of some heart-wrenchingly difficult life-circumstances. She eventually escaped them and came to BYU where she started to make friends, for the first time in her life. I have the honor to be one of her friends, and to be part of her healing process. It has been one of the best experiences of my life. Since I have known her she has blossomed into a beautiful, capable, strong women; she is one of the people I admire and respect most in the whole world.

She and I were chatting with one of the kindest and smartest ladies I know, who also happens to be a Jewish holocaust survivor. I also admire and respect her more than I can express.

So there I was, sitting with these two people who have been subjected to the worst of humanity. They are also two of the most wonderful people in the world. As you might imagine I was VERY interested in hearing what both of them had to say. Today we were discussing whether or not someone can deserve love. Did the lady deserve the sacrifices made by those who loved her to keep her alive during the holocaust? Did my friend deserve the terrible treatment she got as a child, or the outpouring of love she has received since then? They both have had to wrestle with these questions.

You have to imagine this story told by a sophisticated, dignified, and brilliant woman with just enough of an accent to remind you that this is her second home .

"I have a friend who wanted to adopt a baby girl. She got a call from an orphanage in China who said they had two girls waiting for her and she could choose one of them to be her daughter. She hurried to gather some supplies for taking care of a baby, and made the journey to China as soon as she could. When she arrived at the orphanage the two babies were presented to her. One of them was pink and giggly and cute; she seemed perfect. The other was pale and withdrawn, and even a little funny-looking. It was assumed that she would pick the healthier looking baby, but something in her heart told her different. She took the pale baby girl back to the hotel with her.

"When she arrived at the hotel she discovered the little girl had a fever. She had brought some baby tylenol and antibiotics which she gave to her new daughter. She gave her a bath and dressed her up in the pretty clothes she had brought along. She saw the baby start to change. She became happier, and more beautiful. She realized that the baby wasn't loved because she was beautiful, she was beautiful because she was loved."

I think it's true that when you decide to give someone your love, they change in your eyes. It doesn't end there though. Perhaps beauty perhaps starts in the eye of the beholder, but when the beauty and love are internalized by the recipient, that person can actually change, even in the view of others who at first perhaps didn't think him or her so beautiful. I have seen it happen.

You don't have to be "beautiful" to be beautiful, you just have to be loved, and everyone is loved. Everyone is loved.

Inspiration

2011-11-23T00:35:00.000-08:00

I wrote the first part of the post around last Valentines Day, I just found it again and wanted to share:

These thoughts about love started to coalesce the Tuesday before Valentines Day when a professor recited a poem by ee cummings.

It goes like this

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Then he told us that whatever else we do in our life, we should find love. Not only charity, but romantic love. It's one of the most precious things in the world. And once we have found it, we shouldn't let it go.

End previous post

I don't remember my coalescing thoughts about love, but I'm sure they were utterly unforgettable. :) I love that poem anyway.
The way love influences people, the way it influences me is inspiring.
I love that the word inspire also means to take air into your lungs.
When you inspire you create a space inside you which air has no choice but to fill. Air. So ordinary. Invisible, tasteless, we only feel it when it's moving. Mixed in it are precious molecules of oxygen; bundles of atoms arranged in such a way that their electrons possess energy. Our cells harness the energy of the electrons to create differences in concentration of certain things.
Then the energy stored in the concentration differences is again harnessed.
Just like water flows from high ground to low ground, molecules flow from areas of high concentration to low concentration. Just like you can harness the power of water flowing to make hydroelectricity, your body harnesses the the power of particles flowing from high to low concentration. It's exactly the same idea of using a stream to turn a mill. Amazing.
Instead of being used to make electricity though, it's used to make ATP, which is more or less what our bodies run on.

What I'm saying is breathing allows us to breathe. Each inspiration provides the ingredients needed for the next one.

Inspiration (both its meanings) invites the energy into our bodies (and therefore souls) which allows us to live and feel things like love.

Inspiration in itself is inspiring.

If anyone had any lingering doubts about my nerdiness, I exhort you to examine exhibit A, above.

You just ran 11 miles, are you ready for an ADVENTURE?!

2011-11-13T03:03:00.000-08:00

It's just after dawn, it's cold, it's rainy, I'm with a gaggle of about 200 runners all wearing leggings and long sleeves huddled around a "Start" banner in the middle of the red rock desert near Moab, UT. Offspring is blasting through the morning dampness as a feeble attempt to pump up the hardy souls who came out for this race.

"I won't pay, I won't pay ya, no way, Na-na Why don't you get a job!"

I haven't heard this song since high school and it is pretty apparent that I'm the only one of my friends who ever was a fan of the Offspring, but I sing along anyway. My friends and I dance around and take silly pictures wearing trash bags.

I think Heidi and Kristin are maybe playing patty-cake here?

Kristen let me share her trash bag. What a friend!

The silliness distracts me from the pre-race jitters that tag along with my thoughts, "What if it's too hard? What if I get lost? What if everyone leaves me behind and I have to run alone?!"

Buuuuutttttt I know that won't happen. I came with the best group of girls EVER! Heidi, Kristen, Kristin, and Emily. It's Emily's first half marathon and she is only 15! She is indubitably a champion.

We Start!

And then we wait for all the runners to funnel through a tiny sing-file trail.

I'm in blue, then I think Heidi, Kristen, Kristin, and Emily

Then we run up a huge hill that is muddier than the ring of a circus tent in a rainstorm...with the rain getting in the tent. Maybe it came in from the bottom. Or maybe the elephants were outside in the rain and it dripped off them when they came in. You get the picture.

Then we do lots of fun things that I didn't get pictures of!

We scurry up rocky inclines

We skid down loose gravel

Fog swirls around the spires and arches of Moab. We feel lucky to see the desert in such a rare and rainy state. It stirs in us an appreciation for the beauty and diversity of this earth...and also makes us feel wet and cold.

At the first aid station (as in first in a series of aid stations, not as first aid kit) we are dubbed the most cheerful group by the aid stationeers who CAMPED OUT IN THE RAIN for us! I like them, goes without saying. There they had this wonderful stuff called Gu.

It's like chocolate frosting with caffeine in it and it's "healthy" for you! I almost never drink anything with caffeine in it, so I REALLY felt that hit! I ate one of those, and the rest of the race was downhill from there WOOOOHOOOOO!!

No, literally the rest of the race was almost all down hill, the aid station was around mile 6.

See that really steep decline at about mile 9? That was basically rock scrambling down the side of a mountain- totally awesome. I felt like Pocahontas...maybe for a minute there, I was Pocahontas! (grandma says we're related to her, I can definitely see it)

Then we saw our fan club! They were sooooo cool! As you can see, they are quite bundled and no less enthusiastic!

Kime with the Hot Legs sign

Our noble and loyal fans RUNNING WITH US! We were cresting a huge hill so it was the perfect place for them to be.

The Five kickin' up some mud.

This looks kinda scary but it was actually one of the most mild parts of the course.

So we're at mile 11. We're feeling good. Mile 11 means you're going to make it. I'm still buzzing from a second Gu I ate at the next aid station. We come hopping down some rock ledges to the river. There's a dude standing across it. I stop short and look at him quizzically. There doesn't seem to be any more trail....He chuckes,

"This is the adventure part! The river IS the trail now!"

I yell across the river to him, "Uhhhh I JUST RAN ELEVEN MILES!! Shouldn't the adventure have been like waaayyy earlier?! I feel like you like telling people they have to get in the river!" Ok, so I only thought that across the river to him.

"The best thing to do is commit, get in the river and run!"

I steeled my nerves, and plunged in. On a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being the cliff jumping lake in the pass with ice bergs floating in it, this was only about a 6. But a 6 will still make your feet feel like icy stubs after about 1 minute. We probably spent a good 20 in that water. By the end I could have been running on chips of glass and I would have had no clue.

I want to complain, but I can't because it made for such a great story, didn't it? And truthfully, I loved every second of it. I loved that it was hard. I loved that it was at the end of the race. I loved that it made my feet hurt and my shoes squish. I jumped with all my might into one of the last puddles just for good measure.

Little did I know, any muddiness is soon to be washed away.

The race is almost over, maybe half a mile to go. My knee is starting to really bug me and I'm getting impatient to get to the finish line. We come to a spot where you kind of have to skirt around the river on a cliff face- everyone is going one at a time, and going reeaaalllyyyy slow.

"Someone should check how deep that water is!" a fellow runner suggests. Me, the expressive, volunteers without knowing what I'm getting into.

The first few steps were about mid-calf and then WHAM! I'm swimming! The runners around me laugh and yell down "Thanks for taking one for the team!" I laugh too, and when I get out my knee is numb again so I could finish the race pain free!

And here I am at the end of the race, pain free and soaking wet! I hate this picture for every reason except that it shows exactly how I was feeling!

Kristin, Emily, and Heidi (All sisters) Coming up the last hill before the finish line!

Before

After!

This was by far the BEST race I have EVER done! The scenery, the company, the caffeine, the terrain, and the adventurosity that I live for made it what it was.

We plan on making it a yearly tradition! There is a marathon, half marathon, and 5 k - Any takers for next year?! (I made this sentence a link to the race webpage, I'm so fancy.)

Expressive and Proud

2011-11-13T00:36:00.000-08:00

I haven't been the biggest fan of personality tests in the past. I think they can put you in a fictitious 'box'. However, a few weeks ago we had someone come speak to my psychotherapy class about a particular classification of personalities. Before he came, we all were required to take a personality/communication style test online. I was 'diagnosed' as expressive/expressive. I didn't pay too much attention, but I took the test and whatever.
So this guy comes to class, looks around, points at someone and says "Expressive/Dominant? And you, amiable, right?" He was DEAD on, just from looking at them! That got my attention.

As I listened, and read the profile of my own personality, it was like shining a blazing spotlight on the mysteries of my life! It helped me understand myself in a way I never had before! So here are some descriptions of my personality type.

How I see myself

"You volunteer for tasks, even if you are unsure of the responsibilities or consequences of the job you face."

Erin, remember when we used to do this as pruners?

"You dislike activities of a routine nature. You hate anything monotonous or repetitive. You don't like doing meticulous, data-intensive work, and hate working alone. No matter what the situation is, if others are involved, you will do your best to make it memorable."

Yes, guilty guilty guilty. Generally speaking, I cannot do routine. Give me a procedure and you better believe I will skim it, reinterpret it, and basically do it the way I think I should. Case in point: my recipe-following skills.

How others see me

"An energetic, friendly person who is fun to talk with. Others know that you love to be involved in everything, and the more active and outgoing the activity is the better you like it. They like the way you carefully state your opinions and how your approach to communication prevents misunderstandings that could lead to conflicts."

Ok so that's totally flattering. I hope it's true!

Behavior at work

This one really nailed me, I don't know how people work with me sometimes.

"You are capable of tremendous working effort, accomplishing a great amount of work in a short amount of time, but your endurance is limited because of your need to interact with others."

"It is easy for you to grasp broad objectives and the primary goals of a situation, but when co-workers try to describe things to you in lists of supporting details, you find yourself asking them what it all means."

Yep! I find myself interrupting meetings to restate whatever is being talked about in terms of the big picture.

"Because you keep the overall picture in your mind, you are able to explore other lines of thought and jump from one point to the next in a way that can confuse some people."

Now that they mentioned it...I have noticed that some of what I consider my most profound and useful thoughts are met with looks of confusion...yes this is very common for me.

Need for improvement: My favorite section. Nailed me again.

"Because of the level of excitement under which you operate as you rush through life, you can fail to see many details which most people find important."

Kaela, how many times have you reminded me of important things that I have absolutely no recollection of?

You have a need for constant stimulation. Because of this, you find yourself easily distracted and tend to commit yourself to activities which may conflict with or overload your schedule. Although you are full of good intentions and your main desire is to make others happy, you are often unorganized and over-committed. You tend to forget some agreements and be unsure of past communications.

I am so sorry to all my dear patient friends for this one. I try to keep a planner to compensate. The jury is still out, but it might be hopeless.

Every personality has strengths and weaknesses and you have to make them work for you, not against you. My weaknesses are part of who I am. Not to say I'm not working on them, but this helped me recognize things that I had been in denial about because I consider them undesirable. I'm not goal-driven, I get bored easily, I want to say yes to everyone and do everything I said yes to even though I kind of know I can't, I wait to the last minute to get things done, and I don't care about details.

I think this helps explain why, despite her patient efforts, my mom was never able to convince me to have a clean room. Cleaning it took too long and keeping it clean took too much attention to details.

This is why my goals and my parents' goals didn't always match. My parents are fun and interactive people and they LOVE to get things done and done right. I only inherited the fun and interactive part. Essentially, I have to force myself to finish just about anything. I have learned to do it and for that I am ever grateful...but in my spare time, I start things, not finish them.

It also explained why I had sort of a personality change on my mission. He said if there is another person who is a more dominant expressive in your family, the less dominant one will sort of go into hiding until they leave home. HELLO! That is me. Wow. On my mission, I feel like my personality exploded out of me, and I hardly even knew myself. I came to love myself, and feel like myself for the first time in my life. This gave me a context in which to understand why that happened. It helped me embrace what I am and what I'm not, and learn to compensate.

http://www.persogenics.com/event.php?g=fws&c=45
There, now you can take this test too!

25

2011-11-06T16:43:00.000-08:00

Recently I've had a burst of ideas for blog posts. They'll all be belated but in the order they sort of happened. The first one is about turning 25, which happened to me at the end of August.

A few thoughts about turning 25

1. Getting eight hours of sleep has become a non-negotiable factor in my life. When I was 24 I could say to my body, "Body, I want to stay up really late tonight and get up really early tomorrow, so you just hold tight and maybe on the weekend I'll give you an extra hour or two!" I almost always got my way.
I swear the day I turned 25 everything changed. Now I set my alarm for 6, but if the 8 hour mark is at 7:16, my body will completely ignore the alarm and wake up promptly at 7:16 as if to say, "dummy, you know 8 hours was our deal! Not 4 not 6 not 7 hours and 55 minutes. 8! I win." Really though, I win, I'm much happier this way!

2. My friend Holly also recently turned 25, and she made a list of 25 things to do while she's 25. Wow. That sounds so awesome...but I could feel myself failing as soon as I started thinking about it. I know myself, maybe I'll do like...somewhere around 25 things that would be cool do while I'm 25. Yeeeaaahhhh that's more my style!
So here's my list so far
1. Read the whole Bible
2. Visit the temple at least 25 times
3. Read 4 classic works of literature
4. Go to a play
5. Go to Alaska
6. Make more time for my friends
7. Don't spend time and energy on that which is of no worth
8. Learn to be free by not judging (See Advice from Elder Busche on youtube)
9. Serve with all of my heart in my calling
10. Learn 3 hymns on the piano (this requires getting a power chord for the keyboard I have. That's a sub goal though.)
11. Do an olympic triathlon
12. Get 8 hours of sleep as often as I can
13. Go to a live jazz concert
14. Paint/draw and share it
15. Learn to play music in front of people (one of my phobias for some reason)
16. Put down roots in my ward
17. Eat very little sugar
18. Keep an open mind about dating
19. Try snowboarding again
20. Write a publishable research paper (that I will eventually publish)

That's all I could come up with at the moment. Pretty good, huh?

3. I really like my friends. I have been blessed all my life with good friends. The other day in my policy class I started to make a list of people I am grateful for. It went on and on...and on and on and I won't put a sample on my blog because I want to find more personal ways to thank them. But if you're reading this you can bet you were on that list. Unless you're someone I don't know, then maybe not, but don't take that personally, I'd probably put you on it if I knew who you were because I am grateful for everyone who reads my blog :)

my broken heart

2011-10-03T00:37:00.000-07:00

Tonight is among the first chilly nights of Fall. I decide to wear the almost-too-warm but irresistibly soft zebra stripe pajamas my mom just sent me with my purple jacket as I lay under the stars on my lawn. Just thinking. Wondering. I give myself a few hours to try to feel better...and then it is 11. I go inside and lay on my bed. I don't know what has been wrong with me lately. I ask Heavenly Father, or maybe I'm really asking myself, "What is the source of all this pain I feel?" I have everything to be grateful for. Everything. But I still feel this gnawing pain for something I can't escape and can't identify. I feel my mind slipping over a certain emotional place every time I try to pin-point it. It's hard to describe. There's something there making me sad and someday I'll figure out what it is.

A tear slips out of the corner of my eye, so slowly that it dries before it falls to the pillow. I mentally scan through all the places I could go or people I could go to that might bring me Peace. The Provo Temple snaps into my mind. Before I can think another thought I throw off my covers and slip out of the house.

Sitting below the temple feels too crowded, too cliche. Being surrounded by couples in cars seems like I am trying to be like them. I am not. I feel lonely, and alone, and oh yes, lonely. The kind of deep loneliness that company can't fix.

I drive around back, turn off my car and sit in the silence marked by window-muffled crickets. I ask again, more exasperated, "Where is this feeling coming from?" I don't really expect an answer to that question, I just don't know what else to ask. Would it be better to ask "What am I supposed to learn from this arbitrary pain that enters and exits my heart like it has a life and mind of its own?" It sounds like PMS, I know. But when it happens to you, it feels like your world is ending.
A white car pulls up and parks close behind me. A beautiful girl with long blonde hair gets out and pulls something out of the back seat. I watch her carry it awkwardly up the hill and sit down. It's a car seat...with a baby in it. People don't just bring their babies to the temple at midnight.
I knew it right away, in my heart and in my mind. I knew this was my mission tonight, to help her be aware of the love in the world.
After debating for a few minutes about the impression my zebra pajamas might bestow, I decide to go sit by her, mentally noting not to wear these particular pajamas in public ever again.

"Hi...I saw you come out of your car...are you ok? Do you have somewhere to go tonight?"

I start awkwardly but with all the sincerity in my soul.

"I'm...in a lot of pain. The baby's dad told me he didn't want to be with me anymore."

The sound of both of our hearts breaking is nearly audible.

This girl had prayed that Heavenly Father would send her people that would help her be ok, and He sent me. Specifically, directly, immediately, He sent me.

She brought out a hymnbook and we sang together. There were a few people sharing the lawn with us. At first, I wondered what they thought. Then I didn't care. This beautiful sister of mine was singing her lament to our Heavenly Father and if she didn't care who heard, neither did I.

We talked. Well, I just listened. She had a lot to say. She said wearing zebra pajamas made her think I was courageous and approchable. Everything about tonight was divinely orchestrated, right down to my pajamas. We hugged, we agreed to meet again to sing at the temple.

I felt something magnificent when I walked away. Something about what had happened was much greater than I could understand. I stand all amazed, be still, my soul.

The whole night reminded me of this hymn.

A poor wayfaring Man of grief
Hath often crossed me on my way,
Who sued so humbly for relief
That I could never answer nay.
I had not power to ask his name,
Whereto he went, or whence he came;
Yet there was something in his eye
That won my love; I knew not why.

Stripped, wounded, beaten nigh to death,
I found him by the highway side.
I roused his pulse, brought back his breath,
Revived his spirit, and supplied
Wine, oil, refreshment—he was healed.
I had myself a wound concealed,
But from that hour forgot the smart,
And peace bound up my broken heart.

p.s. Mom, I LOVE these zebra pajamas :)

(picture courtesy of Amazon.com)

Happy Rebirthday To Me

2011-08-24T00:37:00.000-07:00

"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh"

Ezekiel 36:26 KJV

I don't want to apologize for being spiritual...but I feel like this kind of post won't mean so much to some. I hope knowing that it means everything to me can help you understand why I'd want to share it.

The 21st and 22nd of August mark my SEVENTH year of being baptized and confirmed a member of my church. The events of those two days long, long ago in 2004 have impacted my life like no others before or since. Every good thing that has happened to me since then is connected to those days. Every experience has been richer because of my beliefs and the commitments I have made to God, who I believe and feel is literally and in every way my Heavenly Father. Knowing this has forever changed my mind and heart.

I always suspected there was a component of myself that went deeper than what I looked like, what I could do, or even what I thought. I found out that it's true. I, Sarah, as myself, existed before I was born and will keep existing after I die. I knew this was true the moment I heard it. This is true of all of us. Once I knew it, I couldn't ignore my hunger to learn about the Father of my Spirit, God.

I felt like I was learning things I had always known. My life and heart began to change. I learned that as a child of God I have inherent worth. Not philosophical worth. Not worth because of what I could do. Worth because the creator created me- my body, my mind, my spirit- and I mattered to Him. I found out that God wants me to live with Him forever, and I decided I wanted that too. Two years after I started learning, I was baptized.

I could fill a thousand books with all of the good things that have happend to me since then, but I won't, at least not publicly. I will say this: I could not possibly have done enough good before this life or in it to deserve the life I have. It's hard to find words to package the exquisite wonder I feel about what my life has become.

Ten years ago if you had told me I was going to be a Mormon at BYU pursuing a masters in social work...well first of all I wouldn't have known what a Mormon or BYU were...and I certainly wouldn't have believed you.

If someone had tried to explain to me the kind of peace and happiness I feel now, I wouldn't have believed that either. I didn't know you could feel this.

I have many many MANY happy memories from my life before I was baptized, but the depth of happiness is like fading sparks compared to the blaze of joy that I have felt since then. I am grateful every day for the decision to be baptized that I made as a teenager. At the time I was terrified that maybe others were right and it would ruin my life. Somehow (I believe it was strength from God, or grace) I had the courage to do it anyway. Something in me gravitated toward it. I could have continued living without the church, without God, but there would have been a huge part of me that would never be satisfied. It brings me to tears to think of what I would be missing.

I am so grateful.

Here are a few of the very specialist moments of the last few years to commemorate possibly the most important day of my life so far.

Annie, my sister, and me the day she was baptized, 8 months before I was. There is no one more special to me in the whole world. My life would be completely different without her example of being baptized, serving a mission, and getting married in the temple.

Me following her lead, we both served missions, we were even in the MTC at the same time!

Eric baptized me about a year after this picture was taken. I couldn't have asked for a more solid friend who helped me answer my own questions so that I had my own testimony.

And Kaela, oh my, where would I be without Kaela? Probably homeless on the side of the road in Indiana or something. She is the truest of friends. She has helped me have confidence in what I felt was right at every point in my conversion process, which is still going. Love her.

I stole the pictures from Kaela's facebook. Her caption says, "Sarah hates this pictures from her baptism but I think it's special," which pretty much sums it up. I look terrible...but it's also authentic, just like my feelings about it, and that DOES make it special to me.

This is at Eric's wedding, just a few weeks ago (I'm 3rd, Kaela is 5th from the left and Eric is the groom! Obviously :)). All three of us were able to be in the temple together for Eric and Elizabeth's sealing. To make it even more special than I could have imagined, my mission president officiated at the wedding! Even though it was Eric and Elizabeth's day, I can't help feeling like that was divinely orchestrated at least partly for my sake.

"My soul now sits and sings

and practices its wings

and contemplates the hour

when the messenger shall say

come quit this house of clay

and with bright angels tower.

My soul doth long to go

where I may fully know

the glory of my Savior.

And as I pass along

I'll sing the Christian song

I'm going to live forever."

-The Pilgrim Song arranged by Ryan Murphy

Backflips

2011-07-04T16:43:00.000-07:00

Everyone, meet my friend Skyler. I asked him if I could take a picture of him doing a backflip, and it turns out he can not only do backflips, but just about any other kind of flip. Skyler deserves his own post without a doubt, but this one is just going to be about backflips :)

When I was a kid I learned to do backflips on my trampoline, and I quickly found that a backflip takes TOTAL commitment. If you aren't ready to finish the backflip when you start, you end up landing on your head. Backflips aren't that dangerous...unless you get half way and decide you don't want to do one anymore. What's more, most of my head-landings interrupted otherwise perfectly executed flips.

I had Skyler pose at the exact point at which it is most crucial to NOT freak out!

As I've thought about recent choices I have made, specifically the choice to get a master's in social work, this is the analogy that has come to mind. It was a scary choice to make, but I've made it. If I start wavering in my commitment, I may end up landing on my head instead of completeling what would have been a wonderful experience.

Have you done a 'backflip' before? Are you in the middle of one? Are you contemplating one? Make sure before you jump that are you committed!

President Uchtdorf shared a similar message in the magazine my church puts out every month, here are a few gems from it:
"Two young brothers stood atop a small cliff that overlooked the pristine waters of a blue lake. This was a popular diving spot, and the brothers had often talked about making the jump—something they had seen others do.

Although they both wanted to make the jump, neither one wanted to be first. The height of the cliff wasn’t that great, but to the two young boys, it seemed the distance increased whenever they started to lean forward—and their courage was fading fast.

Finally, one brother put one foot at the edge of the cliff and moved decisively forward. At that moment his brother whispered, “Maybe we should wait until next summer.”

The first brother’s momentum, however, was already pulling him forward. “Brother,” he responded, “I’m committed!”

"Those who are only sort of committed may expect to only sort of receive the blessings of testimony, joy, and peace. The windows of heaven might only be sort of open to them."

Two dear friend's of mine who's names I do not remember jumping into an icy Alaska lake

There is a difference between intention and action. Those who only intend to commit may find excuses at every turn. Those who truly commit face their challenges squarely and say to themselves, “Yes, that would be a very good reason to delay, but I made covenants, and so I will do what I have committed to do.”

A German proverb says, “Promises are like the full moon. If they are not kept at once, they diminish day by day.”

In some way, each of us stands at a decision point overlooking the water. It is my prayer that we will have faith, move forward, face our fears and doubts with courage, and say to ourselves, “I’m committed!”

The moral of the story: If you're going to do a backflip, do a backflip!

Liberty Divine

2011-07-04T15:57:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went to the best fireworks show this side of the Atlantic Ocean, at least for me it is. It takes place every year on the 2nd or 3rd of July in Lander, Wyoming. It's put on by a wonderful family, the Bills.

"So...Why not on the 4th?" I asked the first time I went to the show 6 years ago.
Well, check this out:
"The Second Day of July 1776 will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America. . . . It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires, and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more."
John Adams to Abigail Adams, July 3, 1776 (http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/american_originals/declarat.html)

The vote for independence actually took place on the 2nd, and the declaration penned by Thomas Jefferson was adopted two days later on the 4th! So the Bills are following John Adams' advice, and I think that is pretty legit! This is just one of the many things I have learned from the Bills family due to their zeal for America and her history.

Even more importantly than fun facts about the USA the Bills family has taught me to value people in my life, no matter how short or long they stay. I only go up there once a year for a day or two, but I feel like part of their family. Almost everyone knows my name, and remembers specific things we talked about the year before. Their sincere care and love for each person who makes the trip to come see their show is so touching. Even the little ones running around everywhere are sweet and friendly to all the strangers. The bonds between members of their family are so strong they all but visible. They are a model of what I want my own family to be like when I grow up, which surely will happen one of these days :)

To me, spending time with the Bills is the best part of every visit to Lander, but the show itself is completely incredible and worth the trip!

This is the view from the top of the hill. Hours before the show there are already a few hundred people scattered, staking out their spots. Past them you can see the hill with all the fireworks on it, and beyond that the miles of cars lined up on the road. They broadcast the music and dialogue for the show on the radio so people can watch it from their cars! Undoubtedly the experience is best up close where you can FEEL the booms and occasionally the pieces of firework raining down. Yeah, that's how close you get to sit!

This is one of the lines of fireworks spread across the hill.

Cars lined up along the road. Keep in mind this is still a few hours before the show started.

Oh, and these are all the cars looking the other way down the road.

From the road, looking past the fireworks up to the crowd. That's the Bill's barn on the left.

I thought these people had a pretty good idea for a way to wach the show!

A very patriotic 4-wheeler shuttles people up and down the driveway if they aren't feeling up for the trek in the hot Wyoming evening.

Me with some very friendly British soldiers in sneakers! They are a fun part of the show. This year they staged a little Lexington and Concord reenactment. See what I mean? So worth coming to!

Is all that equipment for a front-yard fireworks show? Why yes, yes it is! These fireworks are hooked up to electric match that is wired to the computer and synchronized to a dialogue and patriotic songs. There is nothing more graceful than good firework choreography!
If you look past the computer tent you can see the red stuff strung up behind it. The winners of a quiz and essay contest about the Constitution get to light that at which points it becomes a giant wall of fire to start off the show! So cool!

Hey...are those American rebels up there on the hill?

I was so happy to be there! I look forward to next year's show from the moment the last one is over!

This is not as important, but it's still pretty cool. The Bills have a climbing wall in their garage! You see, on the left: garage. Right: climbing wall. Whhhaaa? How awesome is that? Their garage and barn almost make me drool. They are full of fireworks equipment, snow mobiles, kayaks, canoes, and all manner of fun stuff. This is a family that knows how to work and how to PLAY!

Sun setting= show approaching!

My friend Nathan in the setting sun.

What a sunset. What a guy!

My buddy Nathan and I have gone up to this show together 3 of the past 6 years. This year he drove 16 hours, all the way from Phoenix, to be there. It wouldn't have been the same without him!

This is either the first or second time we went up, 5 or 6 years ago. That year we came up early to help set up the show. After working in the field for 2 days we were a bit more sweaty and sunburned than we were this year. I loved every minute of it! It seems like it was yesterday, how times flies!
The fireworks themselves are impossible to take pictures of, but here is a youtube video that will give you a tiny idea. I really think it's the best show in the country! AND it is doubly amazing that it is put on by Brother Bills, an orthodontist in a small Wyoming town, and his family. No fancy company, just an amazing family with a vision of a service they can provide their friends and community. Isn't that what America is all about?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7Xb39s6Y4E&feature=related

I am pretty sure I was sitting right next to the guy who took this video. Oh boy, I just cried watching it again :)

So, why would the Bills and all the volunteers who help them give so much of themselves for a fireworks show? Because they truly and deeply believe in what we are celebrating this time of year. They believe in the constitution and deeply appreciate the liberty it has granted us thus far. Their love for our nation is contagious and has made me stop occasionally and think "would I be able to do what I'm doing if it weren't for the Constitution?" It has helped me appreciate 'liberty divine'. How much would we be able to progress personally if we were not free to make all the decisions and have all the opportunities we have in this country?

Though I felt elated at times, I shed more than a few tears during America the Beautiful, Battle Hymn of the Republic, and The Star Spangled Banner.

From America the Beautiful:

"Thine alabaster cities gleam undimmed by human tears."

That line brings tears to my eyes every time. How I wish it was true. I served my mission in LA and saw many many tears, many people stuck in a form of slavery to their 'patrones' with no one to stand up for them and no way to stand up for themselves. People I loved were not able to get healthcare, get into college, have access to healthy food, or proper sanitation. I wish all our cities were bathed in fewer tears.

From Battle Hymn:

"He is sifting out the hearts of mean before His judgement seat. Oh be swift my soul to answer Him, be jubilant my feet!"

How pure are our hearts? Whether or not any citizen believes in God as I do, are they trying to do what is right? Are they committed to making our liberty endure? Am I?

From The Star Spangled Banner

"O say does that star spangled banner yet wave o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?"

We certainly still wave our beloved banner, but is the land it represents still free? Are we who are blessed to live here still brave enough to keep it free?

I wish that the values integral in the founding of our country were still as strong as they once were. It seems like the general thought now is to mistrust the government because everything it does is probably motivated by some politician's personal gain. I can't say that I know that's true, or that it is not. But even the fact that many people have reason to feel that way is so sad.

I love my country, I am so proud of those who were part of its struggle for independence, and to be able to try to live for what they dreamed of. They were ordinary people with really good ideas they were willing to stand up for. How are we any different?

I believe that everyone who is here or who comes here should have the opportunity to have life, and liberty, and to pursue happiness and prosperity.

Long live liberty divine!

Boring

2011-06-23T22:16:00.000-07:00

On second thought...maybe I shouldn't call this post boring, it could be a self-fulfilling prophesy. What I've been thinking of is how NOT to be boring. I've been going through a patch of life where I feel dissatisfied almost all the time. No matter what I'm doing or who I'm with I wish I was somewhere else...nowhere specific, just not wherever I am. I've wondered why that is. Do I have a short attention span? Can I change it or am I doomed to be perpetually somewhat bored? What an awful fate.

Objectively thinking, there is nothing boring about my life. It's awesome. I have sweet friends, I live in a place where the things I love to do are accessible, I only work part time so I have lots of time to play, I have a great education, I try to spend my time doing meaningful things. Oh, and the best part, I LOVE the church I belong to! The scriptures and other books I read are an endless source of new and inspiring ideas. I think there are probably millions of people on earth who will never have the privileges and opportunities that have been handed to me because of the family I was born into and some good but simple choices I have made along my way. Don't do drugs. Go to college. Believe in God. Love friends and family. I've done nothing extraordinary to get the wonderful life I have. How ungrateful to think that my charmed life is boring.

Which leads me to the most harrowing possibility of all. Am I bored because I'm a boring person? I want to have more self confidence than to believe that but...I can't help but wonder. When I run out of things to talk about with someone, my thoughts go something like this "Do they run out of things to talk about with other people too? Is this awkward silence my fault or does it happen to them so regularly that they're used to it and aren't even trying to think of something to talk about? AM I THE BORING ONE?!"
Ok so maybe that's a little dramatic but I just have to wonder...

To ensure that I'm not boring I'm going to do a few things.
1. Write in this blog more. Writing down ideas helps me develop them, and people with good ideas aren't boring.
2. Have ideas that are actually realistic. One of my great strengths (is it a strength?) is thinking of impossible ideas that would be really funny or creative or amazing if they could happen. But they can't. I want to try to work on having more constructive thoughts that are actually feasible.
3. Do something about the ideas I have. That way when people ask me "So, what are you doing this summer?" I don't have to give the ultimate conversation stopper, "Oh, just working." I'll have some great ideas that I'm working on so at least I can hold up my end of a get-to-know-you conversation and not have to bank on the other person having something amazing to talk about.

There are a lot of reasons to try to do great things, but tonight, I'm setting goals because I just don't want to be bored or worse, BORING!

And every good blog post has a picture so here you go

This is my brother's dog, Diggler. He is the best dog I have ever met! This is where he slept during our Thanksgiving vacation. That's right, on my bed.
I want a dog like Diggler!

The End!

Horticulture and Hard Questions

2011-04-08T09:15:00.000-07:00

I never understood how certain friends of mine could be so obsessed with their plants, particularly the multitude of cacti with which (or should I say with whom?) they share much of their living space. However, one day at Walmart I began to understand.

Flowers were on sale that day, and I decided I want to plant some outside my apartment. I bought pansies, violas, hyacinths, and seeds for columbines, forget-me-nots (Alaska state flower and my favorite), and green beans.

Ever since I brought my baby plants home, they have been constantly on my mind. Throughout the day I check the weather and the moisture of their soil. I move them to get more sun if it's cloudy in the morning, and I rush to bring them inside if it begins to snow. I'm waiting patiently to plant my seeds. Though I want to see the flowers, I would hate for them to be ruined by a snowstorm or bad frost.

Every time I see a flower garden I stop and study it to discern the best way to arrange them.

I think I've decided on this

Except red is pink, orange is yellow, the blue dots are forget-me-nots, the back row is green beans and won't go off the paper in real life. Not bad for a first timer flower gardener, eh? No I shouldn't ask that, maybe it really is bad, I have no idea! But I think I'll like it...back to the post!

When I look at my little plants, even when I look at the seeds, I see what they will be (hopefully) once they've been planted and have blossomed. I plan to plant them so that the garden will be balanced. I want the flowers that will bring out the color or shape of one another to be close together. I want some in the middle, and some around the outside, some in front, some in the back.

It all reminds me of the arrangement of Heavenly Father's children planted here on earth.

We are all needed to make the Lord's carefully arranged garden beautiful, balanced, diverse, and complete. When I think about where we are planted, I see...and when I can't see I trust, that there is a really good gardner. Surely He took even more care arranging us than I have taken in arranging my little garden.

That makes me feel warm and fuzzy, but sometimes that belief seems irreconcilable with real life. A precious friend of mine was born into circumstances I would never wish on anyone. If I had to choose for her to be born where she was or as a starving child in Africa, I would have picked Africa, no question...but I would have been wrong. As life unfolds I see that even when children are planted in difficult places because of the bad choices of others, what the Gospel of Christ offers them is miraculously, mercifully, eternally enough. Because of where she comes from she has the potential to do good that will reach heights and depths that few have the capacity for.

"He (Christ) doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him. Wherefore, he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation."

2 Nephi 26:24, Book of Mormon

I gave a women $100 in a parking lot once. She hobbled up and pleaded for help so I gave her what I had. I don't know if that was the right thing to do, but I do know one thing. I have never forgotten her. Imagine if you gave your life for someone, could you ever forget or neglect them? Could you let them be planted in the wrong place?

"For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel."

1 Nephi 21:15 Book of Mormon

I know God doesn't make mistakes, but can all the pain really be healed? I've never encountered pain like my friend's before. It makes a bad breakup or a death in the family, which I know can be very painful, seem like a pinprick.

Each time I feel overcome with sorrow for the injustice my friend and others like her have suffered, I go to a few lines of a song about the Savior that I know she always listens to.

He heals one by one,

loves one by one.

When the crowded world around you

doesn't know your name,

He knows us

One by one.

He notices it all,

the sparrow when it falls,

the sheep within His fold.

Every person's grief

was born upon His soul.

One at a time He makes us

whole.

"One by One" Hilary Weeks

Yes. The answer is Yes. I believe it can all be healed. We are His precious plants, His treasure. We see ourselves as seedlings battered by a storm. Heavenly Father sees us as we can become. This inspires me

Special

2011-04-07T00:46:00.000-07:00

"Everyone is special...which is another way of saying nobody is"

Remember when Dash from the Incredibles said that? Well I, for one, don't believe in it. How does widespread specialness diminish the quality of each individual special case?

Annie told me once a long time ago that everyone is the best in the world at something. I think it's true. Since everyone is different, if we can find the way we are different, we must be the best in the world at what is different about us! Right? Annie is (and this is self-declared) the BEST in the world at laughing as hard at a joke or a movie the 100th time she hears it as the first time. It makes her delightful to be around. I consider it one of her gifts.

This is Annie. She so funny, but not really in this picture.

My Biochemistry professor always spent the last few minutes of class telling us stories from his life that taught him important lessons. One of my favorites was story of the time he volunteered at the Salt Lake Olympics. His job was to search through athletes' bags before they entered a building. He found himself thinking, "Could these normal-looking people really be the best in the world at something?" If he met one of them on the street, he wouldn't have looked twice. His point was pay attention to who you meet on the street, or in a class, or at church. Chances are good they are the best in the world at something, you just can't see it on the surface.

I started making a list of my friends' hidden talents lately. Here are a few:

Matt and I have been pretty good friends for oh, 8 month or so. Last week I found out he knows how to fence. He learned it on his mission of all places. I had no idea!

There are no pictures of Matt fencing, so this Matt doing one of his not-so-hidden talents.

Another friend, Joseph, an electrical engineering major (read: genius) is one of those natural athletes who seems like he'd be good at whatever sport he tried. Last weekend a group of us decided to all play charades together and surprise! In addition to his athletic talent and intellectual prowess Joseph is a PHENOMENAL actor. His Little Mermaid impression is really impressive.

Joseph looking jubilant after the Festival of Colors. Future headshot, no?

My neighbor Renae is a brilliant psychology major. The other day she said to me "Maybe I'll quit school and start a dog grooming business!" Thinking this was a random comment, I laughed. She went on to tell me that prior to coming to BYU she actually was a dog groomer, and she really enjoyed it. It was after this conversation I decided I needed to write a blog post about some of my awesome and surprising friends.

Gorgeous Ranae on a frozen lake

These were all people I thought I knew fairly well. What about that person on the street you've never met before? I am willing to bet they would surprise you. And I'll wager that you will be even more surprised when you start watching for hidden talents among those you know best.

As for me, I've been thinking about this question for years, ever since Annie first told me about it. I don't have a good answer for what I'm the best in the world at.

What about you?

P.S. Thanks for letting me use pictures of you without asking Annie, Matt, Joseph, and Renae. Love all of you, I hope if there are any hard feelings, they won't last long :)

The last summer!

2011-03-25T00:27:00.000-07:00

My mom said she thought this picture of me was symbolic of my life. If I ascend the stairs, surely something greater than what I have now is waiting. Training. Education. Structure. Meaningful contributions. The things expected of an adult. Or I can go my own way by jumping out the window into the sunlight! I don't know where I'd land, or even where I would want to land...

Ok so she didn't exactly say that, but she gave me the idea!

I realized today that this is sort of my last summer before I grow up. I'll be in grad school next summer, and after that I'll hopefully have a 'real job' where you don't get summers off. Am I happy about that? I don't know. It's inevitable. But a big part of me...or maybe it's just a very vocal part doesn't want to leave this foot-loose and fancy free stage of life behind. Another part knows I cannot get where I want to go by keeping things just the way they are. Not an earth-shattering nor a new dilemma, but it's mine, and so it goes on the blog.

Anyway, my purpose in writing this is to make a list of things I want to do this summer. Some are things I plan, some are things I hope for, and some are just dreams :)

Plans (at least loose plans)

Go to Zion's TWICE! Once is probably more realistic but I don't think once will cut it.

Hike Timp again with friends. Preferably the Timpanoeke side, and preferably not at night. I did that once, and once was enough.

Grove Creek Trail (again, yes I know, I just love this trail)

Hopes

Hike in Payson Canyon. I don't know where, but I think that place is absolutely beautiful!

Amathyst Lake

White Pine Trail

Go to Denver to see Annie

Go to Montana to see Casey

Hike Mount Olympus (I've wanted to do that since I was a freshman)

Go to DC to see Lil

Go to ID to see Niki

Spend the 4th of July in Lander, WY with the Bills again

Dreams

Go to Alaska for a few weeks

Hike in the Tetons

Hike in Yosemite

Do a river trip

To be continued...and updated...

overconfidence (shallower than my last post, but I thought it was funny)

2011-03-06T23:17:00.000-08:00

I have my insecurities but I also have a streak of spontaneous overconfidence.
For example I think "Of course I can prepare a 3 course meal for 8 people in an hour without planning ahead!"

Or "of course I can play that sport. It involves running around and a ball? I'm probably awesome at it."

Or Mark Banner and Kaela Wheeler's favorite, "I'm sure I can get there without a map, I'll recognize all the turns when I see them!" I somehow manage to overlook the fact that I can't tell right from left without holding my hands up in front of me, AND I am the girl who comes out of a bathroom and walks the wrong way because I am totally disoriented. So there's a little background for you

Well my latest was this morning. When I was in California my friend Kaela showed me how to curl my hair with a flat iron. I've always thought it was cute and wanted to try it. Sunday morning, one and a half hours before church I decide "today's the day, I'm sure I can make a new hairstyle look AWESOME before I leave!" Genius, Sarah, genius.
Church starts at one
11:30 get out of the shower, dry my hair
11:45 start trying to curl my hair like Kaela showed me
11:47 fail miserably, only making it straighter
11:50 youtube "how to curl hair with a flat iron"
11:55 first successful curl in place after a little more experimenting. That girl on youtube made it look soooo easy
12:10 most of my hair is kind of curled...I realize I look like a ridiculous poofy-head
I start trying to redo some of the curls and end up straightening some, making some stick out or back or forward, and making some all together too curly. I even resort to using the curling iron which makes a different looking curl...but at least I'm more familiar with how to control that instrument of heated permanence.
12:30 I realize it is getting close to time for church and start to get frantic. This is where I conclude I reeeaaalllyy should have tried this on a more inconsequential day when I could shower again...or hide. I though back to the aforementioned moments of over-confidence and roll my eyes at myself.
12:45 As I'm exasperated and on my way out the door I decide to borrow one of Aleena's clippy things and pull some of my half straight half awkwardly curly hair back. I look in the mirror and decide...it's the best I can do and I am out of time!

This picture really doesn't do it justice, it was pretty funny.

Anyway, I went to church and my wonderful friends all told me I looked so cute, which was flattering...but inside I laughed because they didn't know it was the carnage of a battle won by my overconfidence.

Lessons on Happiness

2011-03-03T23:05:00.000-08:00

I have been making this list in my mind and I wanted to share it before I forget!

Lesson 1: Enjoy the weather, whatever it may be
I checked the weather this morning and whined through the wall to Aleena, "Aww it's supposed to rain today!" She immediately responded with absolute sincerity "YES! I love the rain!"
It changed my whole day.

Lesson 1a: You can change someone's whole day with one positive response.

Lesson 2: Embrace the happiness that is affixed to the atonement.
2 Nephi 2:10 "which punishment that is affixed is in opposition to that of the happiness which is affixed, to answer to ends of the atonement.
It's affixed. Why let it become like forgotten chocolate in the back of the cupboard, and only bring it out for special occasions?

Lesson 3: Every time a good thing happens, there is something to be happy about, no matter who the good thing happens to. Thanks for that, Matt Hopkins.

Lesson 4: Sometimes we reject happiness because we didn't get what we wanted... even if what we got actually does make us happy. http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html
I highly recommend this

Lesson 5: The most important thing you'll ever do should always be in front of you, not behind you.
-Randy Pausch (paraphrazed)
This makes life seriously exciting

Roots

2011-01-10T23:05:00.000-08:00

Picture courtesy of the late and dearly missed Joe Leahy

My Mom used to pay us a dime for each dandelion we kids could uproot in our yard. She explained that you have to follow the root deep into the soil to get every little bit out, or else they sprout again. More often than not, the stubborn roots stretched further into the soil than I could dig, so I ripped out all I could and tried to fulfill Mom's directions by chopping at the remaining strands of root clinging to the depths of the soil. When roots are deep enough, they have to break when it comes time to dig them out. There's no way to remove the plant from its roots AND keep it whole.

That's how I feel now. I just arrived in Provo from what may be my last trip to my roots, Valdez, for quite some time. I took advantage of all the time I had on the plane ride back to the "Lower 48", as we semi-affectionately call it, to write my feelings. Here are a few snippets. A lot of them are about family stuff that might not be as fascinating to everyone as they are to me, so don't feel bad if you skip some!

1:30 pm Valdez, AK

My parents sold our house. That made it harder to leave than it has ever been. I'm glad I came home, even though it has been the saddest to leave. I wonder when I'll be back...if I'll be back. How can you leave something that is as much a part of your heart and soul as Alaska is of mine? I don't know, but somehow I do. Every time I leave I feel like I'm tearing my heart out, even though I know staying would do the same, just in a slower way.

Annie, Casey and me at Halloween a million years ago in the old house that's not ours anymore

This has been one of the best Christmases, I think only my mission Christmases can compare. Since the snow was bad in Valdez (bad means hard packed and blown over so there was no snowboarding) I got to spend a lot more time than usual with my lifelong friends Elise and Elizabeth and my brother Casey who are all usually at the Pass the whole time! Instead we went ice skating on Robe Lake or at the Valdez Glacier every day for the first few days. At Robe the ice was polished smooth from the wind so that you could see the reflection of the mountains in it. I forgot that the mountains are splashed with sunset all day long in the winter. It was beautiful, and I felt like I belonged there again.

Robe Lake Troopers! Daniel, Casey, Elise

The ice there was smooth, and much of it frosted. There were little patches of clear ice which when you suddenly skated across and looked down, it looked like you were skating on nothing at all. The first time I was surprised by one I panicked for a second, and then realized it was just as thick as all the other ice (maybe a foot), and it was pretty silly to be scared to skate on it. Casey whizzed past me chuckling at my moment of panic. As I tried to catch up to him I thought to myself “I'm actually not too scared of falling in the ice...not because I don't think I'll fall in the ice, but because if I did, I'm pretty sure Casey could save me.”

Easer and hat

Casey and me

Like a mirror

At the Valdez glacier we skated through little alleys formed between massive ice bergs frozen in the lake. Some were frosty white, and some were deep clear blue, the way tidewater glacier ice looks when it has just turned over in the water. It's a blue that can't be captured by a crayola crayon. It's opaque and transluscent at the same time, like the ocean; though the water is clear but you can't see to the bottom of the sea. The place had the feeling of the dancing whale scene in Fantasia 2000.

Liz cross country ice skating to ice cave

Finding ice cave

"chillin" in the ice cave (Elise's picture)

Don't know if you knew, but it is BLUE in ice caves!

Inside ice cave looking out

One day Casey and I brought a couple of sleds up to the face of the glacier, which had steep, hard packed drifts of snow all the way from its top to the ice below. We switched our skates for boots, and dragged the sleds up the top of the glacier, not sure yet if this was a good idea or a really bad one. Casey went first on a little plastic orange saucer. The ice in front of the glacier was buckled because, as Dad explained to me, "glaciers keep moving forward in the winter too, ya know". We were a little worried about the jolt the buckle might cause, but Casey took off on his sled anyway. He shot down the steep drift, over the bumps at the bottom, and across the lake like it was a frictionless world. He was hooting, “HA HOOO!!! YEEEE HAAWW!” and spinning around. A giggle fit seized me partly because I loved seeing Casey so thrilled, and partly because I was a little nervous to take my turn. I could just picture my boot catching, flipping my sled, landing on my head on the ice, breaking my skull open, and Casey having to rescue my foolish self. After a few seconds of thinking I determined that if I kept it up, I would never go. I tried to erase the pictures from my imagination and sat down in the in the little plastic toboggan. That was the act of commitment; there was no chance of stopping or slowing down at that point! Before I had time to worry about the bumps at the bottom of the glacier, I was shooting across the lake still laughing like I was crazy! Turns out it was a mostly good idea. We were all smiles but decided not to do too much more of it because it was not so comfortable on our backsides.

Both Casey and I (probably Annie too but she wasn't there) seem to have inherited the ice skater gene. My dad played hockey during his growing up years and always skated circles around us. You would think that growing up in Alaska, we would have gone ice skating a lot. I've probably been ten times in my life. There was no skating rink in Valdez and the lakes were usually covered six feet deep with snow. For some reason though, both Casey and I inherited dad's ability to just get out there and go!

Casey and I went cross country skiing one day on the Mineral Creek trails. It had been at least a year since I'd gone. Casey might have gone once or twice more than me, but that kid was fast! By the time we made the first 1.5k I was winded and tired and Casey was waiting for me to catch up. We had a great time though, the trails were beautiful, though the snow wasn't great. Since I'm usually kind of scaredy cat, Casey teased me, “now Sarah, we only have two big hills on this course so you have to try to go really fast down both of them!” knowing that if he hadn't made fun of me a little, I would have snowplowed to slow myself down. On the second hill there is a hairpin turn at the bottom. Casey stopped there to wait for me, I think to make sure I didn't crash into the snowbank...or to witness it for a more accurate retelling if I did. I made it around the corner but just barely. At times like that I feel like Casey is my older brother (really I'm older). I'm so glad the snow was bad for snowboarding so I got to spend time with him.

Time with Elise and Liz was priceless too! But we were missing a few pieces of the Valdez crew (Kaela and Katie to name a few). I'll never be able to explain how much I love those girls, and will always be connected to them. I've had a lot of great friends that I've drifted away from. Proximity and convenience friends, though true at the time. These girls are nothing of the sort. I miss them the most when I'm at home and they're not, but they're always a part of my life no matter how long between times we talk. The only people who know my life better than them are my sister, or Heavenly Father. A side of me comes out with them that doesn't seem to show itself with anyone else. These are the people who made me the way I am. Meeting someone who shares my love for the outdoors isn't like being with the people who discovered it with me, and we watched it develop in each other every step of the way.

Left: Me and Liz in the ol' Synchro days!

Right: Cliff jumping with Maggles in bygone days. Yes, we are jumping into a lake with ice in it :)

Flat top with Katie Bryson

One of the best parts of this trip were the nightly family card games! Most of the nights in Valdez we'd start to play around 8:30 or 9 and finish at midnight- it was SERIOUS quality time! Since there were only had 4 of us we could play Pinochle without anyone being left out! We play with lots of table talk, of hooting and hollering over a double pinochle or aces around and a run dealt in one hand, or 5 nines, or a stretch of bad hands, or winking at your partner if you came in diamonds so they'd know to pass you the queen of spades. When dad was dealt a double pinochle we had to stop the game for a good 5 minutes to admire and take a picture/video. Mom and I won the most as partners, which was kind of a miracle because I'm about half as good as anyone else in my family, and they all know it. I can't count cards during play, I mix up suits, I pass my meld to my partner, and I consistently overbid my hand (all of that only means something to people who play, I know). But everyone was still nice to me when we were done :) It was some of the best family time we have spent together in a long time.

When Dad laid down his double Pinochle

Leaving the house was harder than it has ever been. I knew it was the last time I'd ever be in it as my house. So I did a final walk through. This is the part I would think only my family might be interested to read.
Living room:
We used to have friends over to watch movies or play games and my mom would bring out the popcorn and crackers for us. Annie and I used to do Tae-bo there, or have late-night dance parties. The awkward bathroom in the middle of the house with no fan, I won't miss that too much. The chairs where mom and dad sat every night and read their books, and where I used to curl up and take a nap if I got ready for school earlier than everyone else. The computer desk, we had so many fights about time on computers. I wasted so much time there. I wouldn't repeat it, but it still was a part of my past.
Kitchen:
The huge huge kitchen with the big yellow trashcan right in the middle. One side of the counters covered with letters, magazines, and everything we didn't really have a place for and but weren't ready to throw away. The other half of the counters were for cooking. They were usually less cluttered though not quite clean. I remember the old orange counter tops, now they're kind of a whitish speckled with pink and gray. The kind of nondescript counters you don't remember except to say they looked nice. I remember thinking maybe we could keep our house tidier when we got the new carpet, new couches and chairs, new countertop, and kitchen floor...but the Wilcox clutter survived it all and I don't expect it will be going away soon. It's not a dirty house, but anything that is used more than once a month is out in plain sight so you never have to go digging around for it. If we know we'll use it, we just leave it out. The dining room with its bulging wood flooring. When we first put it in we used to wash and wax it once a week. I loved the big south facing windows upstairs. You could watch the sun rise and set all day long in the winter, or sit and watch it never rise or set in the summer. We used to lay down on the living room floor in the precious and rare beams of sunlight cast through the windows to take naps. It was my cat's favorite place too.
Downstairs:

I went down the stairs, I know instinctively where each light switch is, and the exact length of each stair, how to step on them so they don't creak. I know you can jump down almost all of the last staircase without making much of a sound because you land on solid ground at the bottom.
Annie's room:

The room that I took over when she went to college. Her wall shared a wall with the garage where the heater was so it was the warmest room in the house. I used to go in there when I couldn't sleep, and she would let me sleep on her floor, or talk to her until we were both too tired to keep our eyes open. We did it less and less as we got older, but when we did it usually lasted late into the night. I loved growing up in the same house as my best friend. This was the room where I cried and cried when Annie and Eric left for college. I cried and cried about the tension in the house over religion. I cried and cried and prayed to know what was true, and what was the right thing to do as a result. My cat was my best friend through a lot of that time. He didn't mind being my buddy through it all. He died a few years ago and honestly, coming home has never been the same.

My room:
Annie and I shared it when we first moved into the house and Mom and Dad were sheet-rocking the other rooms. She was clean and organized and I was always a mess. Many times we decided to split the room in half...except the dresser...and the door. Or maybe one of us could use the door and the other could use the window. We used to stay up late in the night and play games and sing songs, thinking the wall we shared with our parents' room was somehow impermeable to noise because it was so late. She told me what kindergarten and first grade were like and I couldn't wait to go. I was already going to know everything to do and say because my sister told me about it. While we shared that room, Annie also lied to mom and told her I always snored at night, which factored into the decision of me having my tonsils removed! She never showed any remorse, it just turned into a funny family legend.

Me, Dad and Annie back in the day

When she moved across the hall it became my own room, and it was always MESSY! Mom used to tell me to clean it, and when she insisted and threatened long enough I would resentfully go to my room, choose a pile of stuff and try to organize it. I would inevitably become side tracked, and hours later come upstairs, having forgotten what my task was supposed to be. More than once my mom went through my room and cleaned it for me, or just threw everything away she thought she could without upsetting me. I didn't like cleaning. And I liked my room messy; easier to find things that way, I always said. I remember stenciling in the horse designs on the walls with my mom. Horses were my favorite animal and it was exciting to have them all over my room! Sally Winchester, one of my babysitters and role models, made a huge horse collage with me which stayed on the wall for years. I love the sliding glass doors to the closet. I love the sink and vanity built into the room. I would never move back and live there, but I wish it was still sort of mine, and didn't belong to Devin Reiss, though I'd rather it be him than someone I didn't know at all.
Under the stairs:

The little room under the stairs was one of my favorite places at one time. It's not even big enough to stand up in, but mom put a light in and at one point it had shelves of books! There were pillows and sleeping bags on the floor, and it was our own little reading room and library. I went through a time in elementary school when I would lay awake at night, unable to sleep for some reason. I used to spend hours and hours in there reading all the books. My favorites were Where the Red Fern Grows, and Beauty. I read books and books and books about horses. There was the Misty series about horses on Chicoteague and Asateague Islands off the coast of Virginia. There were the saddle club books, and the encyclopedia of horses. I poured over every breed, read all their facts and dreamed about what I would do with each different one. I read about the tack, and how to take care of it, about horse racing, jumping, dressage, but my favorite were wild horses. I still love them and wish I had more actual experience with them. I don't know if I have the guts to do all the work horses require, but I like to think I do, and I would LOVE to have some horses one day.

I glanced in the back yard. The rows and rows of raspberries. We used to jump on the tramp with our friends and periodically take raspberry breaks. The only problem was there were often bees by the raspberries. We kept our boats in the back yard for a while, a couple each of canoes and rafts. They've since been sold or more responsibly stored, but I remember moving them around to mow the lawn. Mom put hinges on a few of the fence boards so that we could get to the neighbor's house by going through the backyard instead of walking down the street and around the block. We had great times playing 'war' in our backyards because of those hinged fence panels. Crispin's dog house my mom built used to be back there too. We had a good time playing on, in, and around that too, and often incorporated it into our games as 'home base'. As we got older we started having 'Maytag' parties in the back yard. We took the inside of a Maytag washing machine out and set it in our backyard, making a perforated but controlled fire pit we could move anywhere we wanted to! We often invited our friends and neighbors over and set out the 15 folding chairs we have so we could all sit around the fire, chat, and eat barbecued salmon and raspberries off the bushes.

The garage, oh I will miss having a giant heated storage unit attached to my house. It was big enough for 2 cars, if you could stack them on top of one another. We hung our bikes from the ceiling. I think we're just down to 3 bikes now, we used to have 8 or 10 probably. The shelves of the garage are cleaned out (something I've NEVER even dreamed of). Dad fixed the uneven stairs and rickety railing. They're actually safe for children, now that they have no children and are selling the house. We had a good laugh about that!

Pictures of the sunset on the way to Anchorage to catch my plane home

Are my parents really ready to sell the house and leave Valdez? I guess it's not for me to decide. I have already thrown my share of fits about it. One for each time they considered leaving Valdez while I was growing up. I'm so glad we stayed and I got to spent almost all of my childhood in that magical wonderful place. Certainly I am not ready for them to leave. I know I'll still go back there. I have more 'family' in Valdez than I have actual blood relatives. Also, the mountains are mine, the harbor, the beach, and the port are mine. The lakes are mine, the trails are mine, the sky is mine, the rivers are mine, and I'm theirs. How can I stay away?

Me near Shoup Glacier Spring '04

2007-01-06T08:10:00.001-08:00

Annie rolling across a lake. She thought it was too thin to walk across until Casey did it

2007-01-06T08:10:00.000-08:00

me on the hike

2007-01-06T08:09:00.002-08:00

On a hike with Casey

2007-01-06T08:09:00.001-08:00

Casey the best brother ever took us up to Yellowstone!

2007-01-06T08:09:00.000-08:00

I think we were pretending we were explorers. This was right after our grizzly bear noise making contest which Casey won

2007-01-06T08:08:00.002-08:00

Annie in the process of throwing a snowball right into my face

2007-01-06T08:08:00.001-08:00

Me and Annie

2007-01-06T08:08:00.000-08:00

Yay we're at Yellowstone! but...

2007-01-06T08:07:00.000-08:00

Dumpster diving for hostess

2007-01-06T08:03:00.000-08:00

After dinner we went outside and played with boomerangs which was REALLY cool! Not that I ever actually got it to work, but it was fun to try

2007-01-06T08:02:00.001-08:00

The host and hostess

2007-01-06T08:02:00.000-08:00

I love this picture

2007-01-06T08:01:00.001-08:00

Annie and the 'turk'. Luke and Elise are abbrievers

2007-01-06T08:01:00.000-08:00

Me making pie crust with our classic rolling pin (two beer bottles taped together)

2007-01-06T08:00:00.004-08:00

Luke in his uniform

2007-01-06T08:00:00.003-08:00

Elise looking beautiful making pie crust

2007-01-06T08:00:00.002-08:00

Casey at the duck point at MSU

2007-01-06T08:00:00.001-08:00

We three

2007-01-06T08:00:00.000-08:00

Me, Elise, Luke, Casey on Thanksgiving Day it snowed for us!

2007-01-06T07:59:00.002-08:00

The wild wild west (those are elk)

2007-01-06T07:59:00.001-08:00

Me and the old Subi

2007-01-06T07:59:00.000-08:00

Casey with some snow that looked like a river

2007-01-06T07:49:00.000-08:00

Annie and Eric pretending to eat Nathan's grandma's oranges

2007-01-06T07:48:00.002-08:00

Salt Lake Temple with my big sis

2007-01-06T07:48:00.001-08:00

Annie in Nathan's grandma's treehouse

2007-01-06T07:48:00.000-08:00

These pictures are so beauitful they hardly look real, but they are!

2007-01-06T07:47:00.002-08:00

playing at the beach

2007-01-06T07:47:00.001-08:00

We finally got Eric to jump with us!

2007-01-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

us girls

2007-01-06T07:46:00.002-08:00

Eric, Annie, Leah, Liz I so wish it had been warm there so we could have gone swimming but it was freezing, even for us!

2007-01-06T07:46:00.001-08:00

Liz, Annie, Eric

2007-01-06T07:46:00.000-08:00

Annie and Leah having a ball!

2007-01-06T07:45:00.001-08:00

Sunset at Newport Beach after the wedding.

2007-01-06T07:45:00.000-08:00

We all figured this would be the last time in our lives that we would be in The Ritz hotel so we better take a picture! The valet parking boys sure thought we were weirdos because we would rather park our car across the street at a mall than pay them $3 to park it for us

2007-01-06T07:44:00.000-08:00

The bride and mother of the bride

2007-01-06T07:43:00.001-08:00

Bryce and Richard Gardner (Richard is the one looking at the camera). Rich served his mission to Alaska and taught Kaela, Annie and me

2007-01-06T07:43:00.000-08:00

Eric Chase (just got back from his mission to Ogden a few months ago, it's good to have him back again)

2007-01-06T07:42:00.001-08:00

Liz, Betsey, Bebop, all of the above!

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Lincoln

2007-01-06T07:41:00.001-08:00

the Valdez kids. There were only maybe 8 people there from Alaska!

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The Valdez girls (minus Leah and Annie)

2007-01-06T07:40:00.003-08:00

Everybody from the wedding

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Kaela and Mark married for eternity

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Leah and Annie

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me in Nathan's grandma's tree house

2007-01-06T07:35:00.000-08:00

That's right, my wonderful best friend came to visit me in Alaska!

2007-01-06T07:34:00.001-08:00

squished faces!

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My favorite person and me

2007-01-06T07:33:00.001-08:00

Nathan, Me, together, happy

2007-01-06T07:33:00.000-08:00

Nathan and me kayaking in a snowstorm. It takes a very special person first to want to go, and second to genuinely enjoy it, and Nathan is just that special! We got so close to sea otters and saw some seals and eagles. It snowed so hard we were kayaking through the slush that formed on top of the water. I highly reccomend it, but not to the faint of heart :)

2007-01-06T07:30:00.000-08:00

This is us about 6 am leaving for our trip up a mountain behind town (Hogsback). We brought snowshoes, breakfast, and a sled and took the better part of a beautiful day to just be out in the wilderness!

2007-01-06T07:29:00.001-08:00

Annie didn't eat before we left so she was pretty hungry. See that weird thing wrapped around her neck? I made that for her in highschool!

2007-01-06T07:29:00.000-08:00

This is kind of how it was, snowy trail, pulling sleds behind us so we could sled down later

2007-01-06T07:28:00.002-08:00

Daybreak. It was sooo beautiful and so worth the hike in the dark to see the sunrise up there

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Our Camp at daybreak

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Katie bundled up. We stopped for about 20 minutes and by the end all our toes were froze and our gloves that we took off to cook were frozen solid

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Annie trumphant at the 'top' or what we were considering the top!

2007-01-06T07:26:00.000-08:00

I so wish that white streak was a shooting star. Alas I think it was a jet plane

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One of our many sunsets looking out into the port

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This is what it looks like when the wind blows the snow off the mountains

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Sugar Loaf (that's about how high the sun gets I thnk I took this picture about midday)

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This is our little tree! We named it Nole at the suggestion of my dad, you know, it's kind of like Noel only its Nole!

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My very bouncy friend Katie Bryson

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Here's everyone who went up Solomon with us

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Christmas Eve we and a bunch of friends of our parents took a walk up Solomon Gultch

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Solomon Gulch night

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Solomon Gulch night

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Solomon Gultch night

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Casey my brother, Annie my sister, and my dad at Brysons playing Farckle

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Our little Christmas tree! Well it was actually a pretty big Christmas tree, so we ended up cutting some off the top and some off the bottom and when we finished it looked like the middle section of a tree because that's what it was!

2007-01-06T07:19:00.000-08:00

Annie while we were cutting the tree down (I think this one should go in the calander next year)

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My family skiing to get a Christmas tree

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Nathan, Annie and me at Squirrel Creek on the way to Anchorage to go back to the lower 48

2006-11-06T11:41:00.000-08:00

Ok these are getting redundant, but I just forgot to say that this is seriously one of the most beautiful drives I have ever been on, not to mention who was driving! I felt so blessed to be there and I recommend the East to anyone despite my extreme Alaskanism

2006-11-06T11:39:00.000-08:00

And again, the mountains. I had the crop this one because My hair is blowingup over Nathan's head and it looks like it's his hair! The blue right by his head is where I failed to fix it and decided to crop it instead!

2006-11-06T11:38:00.001-08:00

The mountains again

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DC with my parents and Nathan

2006-11-06T11:36:00.000-08:00

This is at the wonderful reception for Sandra and Michael. Everyone was thrilled that Nathan could dance and that he was so darn cute

2006-11-06T11:32:00.000-08:00

This is at Dave Nanney's house listening to stories from Afghanistan with all my family who I know know! (that's dave on the right taking a picture)

2006-11-06T11:31:00.000-08:00

I hear THIS is why they call them the Blue Ridge Mountains. Honestly, I'm not sure I've seen a place more beautiful.

2006-09-29T21:34:00.000-07:00

The crew who hiked Stewart Falls: Bridger's friend, Mark, Bridger, Dave, Annie, Derek (Dak), Brandon (Freddie, he looks like Freddie Prinze Jr.), Brett

2006-09-29T21:33:00.002-07:00

I decided to be brave and get close to this bee for once