Happy Rebirthday To Me

August 24, 2011

"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh"

Ezekiel 36:26 KJV

I don't want to apologize for being spiritual...but I feel like this kind of post won't mean so much to some. I hope knowing that it means everything to me can help you understand why I'd want to share it.

The 21st and 22nd of August mark my SEVENTH year of being baptized and confirmed a member of my church. The events of those two days long, long ago in 2004 have impacted my life like no others before or since. Every good thing that has happened to me since then is connected to those days. Every experience has been richer because of my beliefs and the commitments I have made to God, who I believe and feel is literally and in every way my Heavenly Father. Knowing this has forever changed my mind and heart.

I always suspected there was a component of myself that went deeper than what I looked like, what I could do, or even what I thought. I found out that it's true. I, Sarah, as myself, existed before I was born and will keep existing after I die. I knew this was true the moment I heard it. This is true of all of us. Once I knew it, I couldn't ignore my hunger to learn about the Father of my Spirit, God.

I felt like I was learning things I had always known. My life and heart began to change. I learned that as a child of God I have inherent worth. Not philosophical worth. Not worth because of what I could do. Worth because the creator created me- my body, my mind, my spirit- and I mattered to Him. I found out that God wants me to live with Him forever, and I decided I wanted that too. Two years after I started learning, I was baptized.

I could fill a thousand books with all of the good things that have happend to me since then, but I won't, at least not publicly. I will say this: I could not possibly have done enough good before this life or in it to deserve the life I have. It's hard to find words to package the exquisite wonder I feel about what my life has become.

Ten years ago if you had told me I was going to be a Mormon at BYU pursuing a masters in social work...well first of all I wouldn't have known what a Mormon or BYU were...and I certainly wouldn't have believed you.

If someone had tried to explain to me the kind of peace and happiness I feel now, I wouldn't have believed that either. I didn't know you could feel this.

I have many many MANY happy memories from my life before I was baptized, but the depth of happiness is like fading sparks compared to the blaze of joy that I have felt since then. I am grateful every day for the decision to be baptized that I made as a teenager. At the time I was terrified that maybe others were right and it would ruin my life. Somehow (I believe it was strength from God, or grace) I had the courage to do it anyway. Something in me gravitated toward it. I could have continued living without the church, without God, but there would have been a huge part of me that would never be satisfied. It brings me to tears to think of what I would be missing.

I am so grateful.

Here are a few of the very specialist moments of the last few years to commemorate possibly the most important day of my life so far.

Annie, my sister, and me the day she was baptized, 8 months before I was. There is no one more special to me in the whole world. My life would be completely different without her example of being baptized, serving a mission, and getting married in the temple.

Me following her lead, we both served missions, we were even in the MTC at the same time!

Eric baptized me about a year after this picture was taken. I couldn't have asked for a more solid friend who helped me answer my own questions so that I had my own testimony.

And Kaela, oh my, where would I be without Kaela? Probably homeless on the side of the road in Indiana or something. She is the truest of friends. She has helped me have confidence in what I felt was right at every point in my conversion process, which is still going. Love her.

I stole the pictures from Kaela's facebook. Her caption says, "Sarah hates this pictures from her baptism but I think it's special," which pretty much sums it up. I look terrible...but it's also authentic, just like my feelings about it, and that DOES make it special to me.

This is at Eric's wedding, just a few weeks ago (I'm 3rd, Kaela is 5th from the left and Eric is the groom! Obviously :)). All three of us were able to be in the temple together for Eric and Elizabeth's sealing. To make it even more special than I could have imagined, my mission president officiated at the wedding! Even though it was Eric and Elizabeth's day, I can't help feeling like that was divinely orchestrated at least partly for my sake.