I'm happy and I know it

I'm 26 now, ta-da!

Before I forget, you might like to read my birthday post from last year, it's probably my favorite post I've ever written.

http://princesstje.blogspot.com/2011/08/happy-rebirthday-to-me.html

I've been thinking for months about what to say about my 26th year, literally.  I have little stars all over my journal to remind myself to include certain things, it's awesome.
A year ago I wrote about all the things I wanted to do while I was 25.  It's kind of funny to re-read,  a lot of those things didn't happen, more wonderful things happened instead.

First we have the 'I started' group


I started to paint
For my brother

For my dad

For my friend Katie

I decided this year instead of sending gifts to loved ones for special occasions (birthday, fathers day, wedding) I would paint them pictures!  These three are my favorites, they all remind me of the person they're for so they're extra special.

I started to date again
Last summer I met someone who gave me something...I'm not even sure what it was, but I think it changed the way I saw myself.  I thought I could write about it here, but now that I'm trying I'm finding it so precious time that I want to keep it to myself.  Let's just say he was willing be totally vulnerable to be kind to me.  After we said goodbye so he could go back to school, something was different in my life.  I started to have lots of opportunities to interact with people in ways I hadn't before.  This was AWESOME for me, I learned so so much and I am so grateful to him.  A lot of the lessons I learned and things I did this year stem from this experience.

I started doing therapy
People ask me if doing therapy is scary.  The answer is YES.  I'm frequently terrified.  But I just keep telling myself "yes, I'm going to do this" session after session, and guess what?  I haven't died yet, I've learned so much, and I even like it.  I think it's the hard that makes it great.

I started caring about politics
After a political class I took in my program I realized how passionately I feel about them.  I've realized that who the president is actually does affect my life and the lives of people I love.  I've changed from republican, to democrat, back to republican, to somewhere in the middle.  The more educated I get the more confused I am, but I feel like I'm finally being more of a responsible citizen.

And the 'I learned' group

 I learned to be patient with injuries
I think I spent 80% of this year with an injury of some sort.  I learned to adapt, and to enjoy the new things I did instead of what I used to do.

 I learned to chill out in relationships...
thanks to my wonderful friends who give me honest feedback.

I learned what it feels like to be an aunt
It is THE BEST!

 I learned that everyone is a paradox...
don't hold it against them, or against yourself that YOU are a paradox too.  I thought being true to yourself meant being one way and one way only.  I don't think many people have life or themselves figured out enough to be completely consistant like that AND completely honest.  Sometimes people surprise or disappoint me by showing me a new side of themselves.  Instead of resenting the inconsistency, I've tried to appreciate that they aren't hiding from me that they don't have life all figured out.  Maybe the two sides ARE the real them at this point in their lives.  I appreciate 'real' soooo much more than I would 'perfect on the outside'.  Maybe the paradox IS the most real way for them to represent themselves...and me, myself.


I had so much more in mind for this, but the time is passing so quickly and new and fun things are already happening that I want to write about, so I figured I better hurry up and finish this post!  So the end!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Taking Back Alaska

Image
Bear watching/clam digging in Alaska I came to Salt Lake at the tail end of the worst 6 months of my life.  After a huge disappointment in the love department I managed to still attend enough classes and beg for enough extra time to finish enough final papers to graduate with my masters degree.  For months after I felt the pressure and feelings of failure of not being able to find a job. I separated my shoulder and so I was not able to run or hike or bike or play frisbee or even swim...basically everything that keeps me happy, healthy, and connected.  I tried to deal with it...and by that I mean I watched every episode of Parks and Recreation.  I spent hours applying for jobs and more hours sitting in parks reading, hoping no one could tell how pathetic I felt. I did the mind-numbing walk/run up and down 'the Y' over and over because it was the only thing I could do with my injury that was challenging but safe.  I was offered a job in St. George.  ...
Read more

my broken heart

Image
Tonight is among the first chilly nights of Fall.  I decide to wear the almost-too-warm but irresistibly soft zebra stripe pajamas my mom just sent me with my purple jacket as I lay under the stars on my lawn.  Just thinking.  Wondering.  I give myself a few hours to try to feel better...and then it is 11.  I go inside and lay on my bed.  I don't know what has been wrong with me lately.  I ask Heavenly Father, or maybe I'm really asking myself, "What is the source of all this pain I feel?"  I have everything to be grateful for.  Everything.  But I still feel this gnawing pain for something I can't escape and can't identify.  I feel my mind slipping over a certain emotional place every time I try to pin-point it.  It's hard to describe.  There's something there making me sad and someday I'll figure out what it is. A tear slips out of the corner of my eye, so slowly that it dries before it falls to the pillow. ...
Read more

My truth about "pretty"

Image
Is this a pretty picture of me?  Should I put it on facebook?  Someone might see it and then know that sometimes I'm not as pretty as I am in other pictures.  I know I'm just not as objectively attractive as some no matter how flattering the picture.  But does this one qualify as 'pretty' to someone who has never seen me before?   Do I trust someone who doesn't know me to see that I am brave because this picture is hiding none of my flaws?  The wrinkles around my eyes, the dark shadows under them, my wider nose, my puffy cheeks that hide my cheekbones. That's the honest way I look.   Why is this hard?  I think who I am is beautiful and what I look like cannot be separated from who I am.  I was hiking, I was in the mountains, I was awe-struck by the beauty around me, I was totally happy.  It makes me sorrowful to reflect on how much I worry about if I look pretty. Every girls wants to be told they are pretty, right? No....
Read more