Alaska you are killing me




Dearest Alaska,
You know I love you.  You are giving me family, friends, fun, and a down-home feeling that I just never found in the lower 48.  Even when I was so happy and at home in Salt Lake. It just didn't compare.

Monday, it snowed on your mountains and you gave me a wonderful time hiking up running down, and freaking out about how overwhelmingly beautiful it was.

This Tuesday you gave me a SUPER cool show called Arctic Entries where 7 people tell 7 minute stories about something that happened to them, much in the style of This American Life (one of my favorite radio shows).  I was so inspired I decided to apply to be in a future show...and they called me back.

Wednesday I went sculling (rowing with 4 people in a skinny skinny boat) with my Aunt Peggy.  The weather was perfect, the boat was kinda fast.  A float plane landed next to us.  It was mesmerizing and wonderful

Thursday I went climbing with my BFAW (that's best friend at work) Kylee.  She's about the most positive person I have ever met. It's not Momentum (gym in Utah) but my arms were starting to feel a little squishy, and I worked so hard climbing last winter to get these guns!  I'm kind of kidding, but I am actually pretty proud of being able to do three pull ups.  First time in my life.

The job, well it is settling into kind of meh.  It's ok, it pays the bills, it's in my field.  I just don't love it.  I want to teach social work?  How do I do that?

Friday night I spent up at Eklutna Lake with John and his family.  The kids were adorable the scenery was out of this world.
Around 2 am we woke up, brought our sleeping bags and a sleeping pad down to the beach and watched the northern lights dance for an hour.  It was the first I have seen them since my venture back up.





It just doesn't get any better, right?

Except, well, later that day John and I climbed up to some cliffs above the Eklutna River to spy on a HUGE herd of sheep we found!  High on this beautiful mountain in full fall colors...we decided to call it off.  It might be weird to put that in a blog, but I have been carried through hard times by friends telling me how they dealt with breakups on their blogs, so here is me giving back a little.  We came to an impasse where it felt like there was no way to move forward together.  It just wasn't quite what we hoped it would be.  I have more energy for continuing to try, he doesn't...we are stuck, except we're not really stuck, we just move on.  Onward and upward.  The initial goodbye was hard, it always is.  But you know?  Almost immediately after I saying goodbye I too felt like it was right.  I walked away with a heart-half broken from the loss, half relieved because the last little part of that relationship was pretty stressful.

And it's a good thing I was ok because RIGHT when I got back to Anchorage I had a meeting to pitch my story to the story people!  I met with my 'coaches' at a coffee shop, and told them the story I want to tell in their show.  They said they were charmed, and would likely either have me in their October or November show.  They also told me that the audience is about 700 people.  And you know?  I think I'm up for that.

Alaska, you lured me here for a job, with hopes of a boy.  Neither has turned out to be quite what I was looking for...and somehow...my heart is still captivated by you.  It's hard to understand.

Alaska, I love you, and you are killing me.  Please explain yourself.

Yours truly, 
Sarah

Comments

MOM Wilcox said…
I have always felt that Alaska is a love/hate relationship. Nobody is mediocre about living in Alaska. Alaskan life is too hard if you don't love it and the folks that hate it leave quickly. You will know in a year if you are in the love or hate group. Give it time, Alaska loves you. Do you love Alaska?
8:43 PM
MendenhallML said…
Sarah my friend, I hope to talk to you soon. so many thoughts and feelings. But the most important one is that I love you! And I admire your bravery and curiosity and passion. I sincerely hope that you find some answers and if not answers, then peace. Love you!
12:15 AM
Ariél said…
I'm happy for your peace, and will continue reading with eager anticipation to see what the future holds for you!
6:43 PM
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