a tall personality

Dear Alaska, You are so lovely. And in you I am a snow princess.  When I read about you in books, when I see pictures of sled dogs in hotels, when I sing the state song, I cry.  You are in my blood and my bones. I had a notion wrapped in dreams, hopes, anticipation, anxiety, and stress...a notion that when I came back to you I would understand why I felt like I was always different.  The differences would feel erased, I would finally be home. But you know what?  I found out...I also feel different here.   You know who I am like?  Not Alaskans, not Mormons, not Alaskan Mormons,  not people from small towns, not even necessarily my best friends (all people I previously thought I was like)...you know who I have found I might actually be most like?  MY PARENTS. Yep.   My parents are two of the most unique people I have ever met. Being like my parents means I will forever be different.  I'm proud of that...no...

The laughter coming from the cockpit was laced alarmingly with frustration. I could see the opposite propeller turning slowly in the shiny reflection of the airplane outside my little window. Turning slowly is not what you want to see from a propeller. Disgruntled grumbles just loud enough to bridge the 'I actually meant for everyone to hear that' gap were coming from the ten other passengers on the flight. "This plane was JUST flying fine, what the **!##! Happened?" My mind clicked into worst case scenario mode. I evaluated the abilities of the people seated in the exit rows. Maybe I should have taken one of those seats. I trust myself to be strong and confident enough to save everyone. But what if I panicked and died in a plane crash with blood on my hands? Yeah, that would be worse. Thankfully, the pilots were noticing the malfunction as the plane was still safely on the ground at the Valdez airport. The people who make decisions were deciding if it could be fixed ...

Dearest Alaska, You know I love you.  You are giving me family, friends, fun, and a down-home feeling that I just never found in the lower 48.  Even when I was so happy and at home in Salt Lake. It just didn't compare. Monday, it snowed on your mountains and you gave me a wonderful time hiking up running down, and freaking out about how overwhelmingly beautiful it was. This Tuesday you gave me a SUPER cool show called Arctic Entries where 7 people tell 7 minute stories about something that happened to them, much in the style of This American Life (one of my favorite radio shows).  I was so inspired I decided to apply to be in a future show...and they called me back. Wednesday I went sculling (rowing with 4 people in a skinny skinny boat) with my Aunt Peggy.  The weather was perfect, the boat was kinda fast.  A float plane landed next to us.  It was mesmerizing and wonderful Thursday I went climbing with my BFAW (that's best friend at work) ...

Alaska continues to be pretty interesting to say the least. but When all these things happen to me I can think of a million wonderful things to say about them, but later on Sunday when I am actually trying to write I find myself out of the energy it would take to make it awesome.  I think, "Oh, I'll just wait until I FEEL like writing something good," but we all know that only happens once every few months and by that time I hardly remember what all the pictures I took were about. So instead I'll just describe each picture and call it an update.  In a few months I'll write something good again :) Here is beautiful Elise on Skilak Lake!  We took her guitar on a little hike and were having a good time playing and singing on this beach...when we noticed a group of rafters pulled up close by for lunch.  Eh, no big deal, we keep going.  Then these young red-headed fishermen came tromping out of the woods, and set up quite quite close, frequently ...

"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh"  Ezekiel 36:26 KJV I was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints 11 years ago last month;  7 years later  I opened an essay about that event with the above scripture.   I rejoiced in how my closeness to the Savior had given me a new heart.   I also said this, " If someone had tried to explain to me the kind of peace and happiness I feel now, I wouldn't have believed them.  I didn't know you  could  feel this."   I   had been through some rough times by that point and had managed to bounce back from them.  I had consistently experienced the promise of the comfort of the Holy Ghost whenever I asked for it.  The scriptures made sense, prayers were answered in the ways I anticipated.  And when they weren't there were comf...

As many have asked, here's how Alaska has been so far, in pictures. My little brother gave me the most awesome birthday present of fixing up my bike from high school. I took it out today and it works perfect!  I rode around this pretty lake that has apparently very dangerous beavers (see sign below) There was a moose heart in my parent's fridge I found some awesome friends who will go climbing and then for a run all together after work #likeawolfpack Oh, and there's this guy.  Ku (pronounced 'Q') is the sweetest, cuddliest dog and I love him forever. And the guy holding him is pretty fun too :) All in all, Alaska still feels like home.  I love it here, and I'm SO glad I came back (at least for a while)!

Bear watching/clam digging in Alaska I came to Salt Lake at the tail end of the worst 6 months of my life.  After a huge disappointment in the love department I managed to still attend enough classes and beg for enough extra time to finish enough final papers to graduate with my masters degree.  For months after I felt the pressure and feelings of failure of not being able to find a job. I separated my shoulder and so I was not able to run or hike or bike or play frisbee or even swim...basically everything that keeps me happy, healthy, and connected.  I tried to deal with it...and by that I mean I watched every episode of Parks and Recreation.  I spent hours applying for jobs and more hours sitting in parks reading, hoping no one could tell how pathetic I felt. I did the mind-numbing walk/run up and down 'the Y' over and over because it was the only thing I could do with my injury that was challenging but safe.  I was offered a job in St. George.  ...

In the spirit of writing more but not necessarily having a purpose, I will make the following comment: I always thought it was SUPER important to use dryer sheets when doing laundry.  But I noticed most of my clothes that I spend the most money on advise AGAINST using fabric softener, so I stopped using it.  And guess what.  My clothes are almost EXACTLY the same.  Sometimes there is a little bit of static on them for 1 second after I pull them out of the laundry.  The fabric softener thing is a scam! (but I still use it on sheets and towels so I guess not totally a scam, just mostly) Here is Mika for those who haven't seen her in a while. To add to my uncertainty of what to do next/now, I got everything but an offer to change jobs and work full time shift work, noon to midnight 3 days a week, get paid a little more, and still work within walking distance of my house.  Doesn't that sound great?  But how do I know the future and if it will s...

I know it seems like it has been a long time since I wrote anything here...but I actually write a new post in my head almost every day, so to me it seems like no time at all! So here, a free write to start writing again. Lately life has been like this Kind of like a maze, kind of like a puzzle.  I say I don't like it, but then I do it for fun on the weekends.   I feel inspired to put extra effort into being creative and finding out what it is I really want to develop myself into personally, professionally, recreationally.  Another masters degree or two?  Move to Alaska?  Become so smart with money that I can make myself a whole lot of free time to do...what though?  Something that I love!  But I already do everything I can think of to do that I love, almost every day, at least once a week...how do you build on that?  What do you do when doing things you love starts to feel empty? I remember when I was a wee lass just starting col...