What I gave up
As part of a substance abuse treatment class this semester I gave up eating all sweets for three and a half months. It was supposed to help us understand addiction, relapse, cravings, and all those things that are hard to really get without experiencing them. We had to write a final paper about our experience, and I want to share some parts of mine because I know many many people (myself included) with difficult habits that could be called addictions that they would like...or desperately want...to stop, but struggle.
I know giving up sugary food seems like a trivial thing but it was a powerful experience for me. Here are some of my most valuable insights:
As a side note, since in class we were comparing our experience to that of drug users, when I say "use" I mean consuming sugary foods.
"W
hen I relapsed it wasn't the food that I wanted. I just wanted to not worry about abstinence for a little while. The relief of letting my guard down at that moment was probably a bigger payoff than the use itself."
"L
eaving the situation is one thing, but that doesn’t always make the craving or the desire to use go away. As long as you have that ‘tempted’ feeling you are in danger. It is very difficult to constantly fight that, especially if you know exactly how to access the focus of your addiction at all times, like I did. There is no place I could go where I literally COULD NOT have relapsed."
"C
ravings usually only last 5 to 20 minutes. I learned to wait out emotions, or cry them out, or talk them out, but knowing they will pass helped me not to act on them. I think to myself, “I know I decided not to do this, and just because I feel like doing it right now does not mean that I should change my decision, even though right now doing it feels like the best most right thing in the world.” I imagine that is how addicts feel who are about to relapse, in that moment it probably feels like the best most right thing in the world." (In this insight especially I was digging deeper into other areas of my life. I never actually cried because I couldn't eat sugar...)
"In response to relapse I did...nothing. Until I was encouraged to write and talk about it in class I glossed over it like it had never happened. I think if I hadn’t recognized relapse for what it was I would have had many many more and probably glossed over them too. I wouldn’t have seen the health benefits that I have, neither felt the happiness and strength I feel from knowing that I have been able to do this project. I would be much less motivated to continue abstaining if those were missing. Relapses MUST be responded to in some way, they must be examined and processed."
- "We are all addicts. The ones in recovery are fighting harder against their addiction than others, so they fall and struggle more. Maybe they have a harder addiction to fight and more cards stacked against them, but at least they’re fighting."
- I believeThe crux of fighting addiction is discerning truth from lies, and learning to believe and act upon the truth in every moment.We learned about something called "talking to your addict." It's that voice inside of you that tells you that relapsing won't hurt you, that it will get you what you want, that the consequences won't be that bad, that you don't really have a problem, that you don't need to be careful, that you should be ashamed of who you are and hide from people who will help you. Learning to fight that voice with the truth of who you really are, what you want, and what you're worth is recovery.
Sorry the formatting is a little crrraaaazzzzyyy!
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