a tall personality

The past few weeks have been kind of hard.  This girl trying to save her sand castle is kind of how I feel. So I've been kind of sad.  But sometimes losing things that don't come back can be like joyful in the same way losing things that do come back is.  When you think you've lost your phone you are devastated, especially when it's a phone you really liked.  Maybe it's new, maybe it was expensive, maybe it had precious information and pictures that you know you'll never be able to duplicate.  When you find it again you are OVERJOYED, and feeling the depth of the loss makes it all the more joyful.  You go around that day so glad that you didn't lose your phone...even though there are countless other days on which you didn't lose your phone. I have been sad, but also overwhelmingly grateful for all the things I DIDN'T lose.  I've probably cried as much out of gratitude as I have out of frustration and disappointment.  My room ma...

I have been feeling heartachy lately.  It might be the time of year...or month.  I miss my friends who have who have moved, moved on, moved away, moved in a different direction... I have so much homework that starting it feels overwhelming, so instead I drew this picture.   I've been experimenting with new ways to cope with emotions.  It's a professional investigation, but it sure has helped me a lot personally.  I'm starting to understand how emotionally driven my behavior is, and how to channel my feelings into positive actions that actually work to change or relieve the emotion, and not just to numb it.  Sometimes numbing feels so good, but as Brene Brown said, we can't selectively numb.  If you numb, you numb the good and the bad.  Numbing isn't a way out. The only way out is through.

I'm 26 now, ta-da! Before I forget, you might like to read my birthday post from last year, it's probably my favorite post I've ever written. http://princesstje.blogspot.com/2011/08/happy-rebirthday-to-me.html I've been thinking for months about what to say about my 26th year, literally.  I have little stars all over my journal to remind myself to include certain things, it's awesome. A year ago I wrote about all the things I wanted to do while I was 25.  It's kind of funny to re-read,  a lot of those things didn't happen, more wonderful things happened instead. First we have the 'I started' group I started to paint For my brother For my dad For my friend Katie I decided this year instead of sending gifts to loved ones for special occasions (birthday, fathers day, wedding) I would paint them pictures!  These three are my favorites, they all remind me of the person they're for so they're extra special. I start...

Meet Hailey, she's my baby niece!  This girl LOVES to look at herself in the mirror.  I guess she knows beauty when she sees it. Did you know a baby could be this adorable?  Am I biased? This is Hailey's favorite thing to do, and one of my favorite things to do too! Me and Annie gave her a bath and her hair stood straight up like this.  It's funny how when things like this happen to other people's babies you're like "aw cute."  And when it's yours (or your niece) you're like "That is the most amazing thing EVER!  We have to take pictures!" Sitting up at night holding Hailey so my sister can finally get a little bit of sleep has given me some time to think.  I love holding her.  I love to imagine the adventures we're going to have when she's older.  I'm going to help her parents teach her that the world is beautiful, and people are too, and if you know God loves you, you can do a lot of things.  She will a...

This is Mandi, she is my classiest friend, and possibly the classiest person alive.  Let me tell you some thing she has taught me about being classy. When I asked Mandi what IS being classy, this is what she said,  "Being classy means being kind to everyone."   I was expecting something like, "you have to dress this way, and act this way, and do such and such kinds of things," but I like Mandi's answer so much more. Mandi and I have been friends now for several years.  She is the girl I call if something needs to get done and done right.  She's the one I call when I need a movie and some deep conversation.  She's who I call when I need someone to tell it to me straight. Mandi is the one who hugs everyone she sees every time she sees them, and gives spontaneous back rubs, and invites you over for AMAZING meals and never expects a thing in return. This week I had the chance to have 2 really special experiences with Mandi that showed two ...

Utah and I have had a love/hate relationship since I came here in 2004 as a barely 18 year old college freshman.   It was too hot. The people were too different. The mountains were to small. The camping was too sissy. Everything was too easy. It was too hot. It was too hot. Did I mention it was too hot? After a long long (approaching a decade) time I am finally announcing the big news. Utah has finally convinced me that I LIKE IT HERE!  I 'all the way' like it.  No more 'if only it were a little more like Alaska'.  I like it just the way it is and here are a few reasons that I have pictures to go with. Sunset drives in the mountains When my friends come to visit there is A TON of fun stuff to do! Amen Accessible and pristine mountain lakes Afternoon thunder storms in late summer First hikes of the season and friends who are up for hiking in the snow New places to go cliff jumping Half marat...

The morning of my trip to Minnesota for Katie's wedding I woke up thinking "it's so weird that I woke up before my alarm because it was set for 4:30...that's really early...I don't usually wake up before 4:30"  That's when I knew something was wrong.  I looked at the clock and it was 7:55!!!  My plane left at 8.  Needless to say it was too late to get to the airport.  After an hour on the phone and a little over an hour of semi-panicked hysteria I had a new ticket for the next day. I decided to go to work since I had no plans for that day and I'm not one to sit around.  My co-worker commented "wow, you must really love this friend to buy two tickets to her wedding!"  Um yep.  Katie, I really love you, and I would have bought as many tickets as it took to get there :) Julie and her parents who were picking me up in Minneapolis were so so kind and understanding about the delay.  Without hesitation they offered to wait around for anot...

The week of doing things that are best for others instead of what is best for myself (which often turn out to be the same thing) has passed, and now it's time for a report, like I promised.  This is kind of hard because it makes me vulnerable.  I'm going to tell you that sometimes I do the right things for the wrong reasons...AND I'm still cool, I'm still learning, I still love God and He loves me. Sunday: Stayed for an activity I was nervous about. Result:  I made new friends, ate delicious dessert, had VERY interesting conversation, and I think I helped other people feel comfortable.  Win. Monday: At FHE I was invited to stay late and play some ward volleyball.  I declined because I don't like ward volleyball, I'm a bit of a volleyball snob, unfortunately.  I pondered this decision as I walked to my car, turned around and came back to play, just because of 'it's not about you week'. Result: Had a good time, realized that sometimes I think I d...

The other night I was thinking about what it would be like for someone I didn't know to walk into my room.  First of all, they would have probably be embarrassed for me because it was so messy (don't worry I cleaned it the next day...it's still a little messy but not embarrassing messy).  Then, I thought, they would try to stop looking at the mess, so where would they look?  My lovely pictures on the wall!  And here is what they would see: My family at my sister's wedding (the last time we were all together?) Sunlight Falls,Wyoming, taken by my brother Casey Palmyra, NY, painted by my aunt Katie Alaska Temple, birthday gift from my friend Tonya Valdez, also painted by Katie And then they would see this one.  It was a gift from a mentor of mine.  It's a little dusty, and stuck in a frame I got from DI which lacks the capacity to hang on a wall.  The $1 price sticker is still on the back.  It sits ...