Alaska plates and a crazy story

My friend and I decided to have a competition of who could spot more Alaska plates.  Obviously I am going to win as I am very skilled at this task.  But it will be fun for him to try :)

So this is the only picture I have to share from my phone today

Grateful things:
1.  My friends.  Today I felt pretty sad, but I have a couple of super super wonderful friends who don't have to try very hard to create an environment that washes sadness away.  Including a motorcycle ride.  That works every time

2. My kitty cat Mika and how she comes when I call her and she follows me around outside like a puppy.  It's adorable.  Also, if you want some new running/dance music try Mika- Stardust, Tah Dah, and Origin of Love.  My cat is named after one of my favorite artists.

3. My sister is going to have her baby any day now!  I feel a special tie to this baby since she is in my same place in the family (girl close in age to an awesome older sister).  I'm so excited to meet her and see my sister's (and my) family growing!

Today something happened that reminded me of this other thing that happened, and I will tell about the other thing since the today thing was kind of embarrassing and I don't want to tell all about it yet.

Once I did some volunteer hours at the State Hospital (psychiatric hospital) helping out with physical therapy.  Basically I was a cheerleader for patients while they exercised, and I sang along with them to Michael Jackson songs.  It was awesome.  Except for the one time I was assigned to help a guy who I guess was having a hard day.  He had been pretty quiet so I tried to be extra encouraging and energetic, hopefully to help him be successful at his workout.  I guess at some point he got fed up because out of nowhere he got RIGHT up in my face, I mean RIGHT UP in my face and screamed at me so loud that it turned his face red.  Scary red.

The whole gym went silent and everyone turned to look at us.  He stopped yelling, grunted in frustration, and stormed off.  I tried to return people's concerned gazes to let them know I was ok.  I must have not looked ok though because they kept staring.  In shocked silence.  Then I started shaking...and then the tears started to flow.  I tried to make it a quick little tear or two that I could hide but much to my humiliation the tears morphed into into gasping and crying uncontrollably like it was a real emergency.  

The director took me into the office so I wasn't standing in the middle of the gym shaking, crying, and freaking everyone out including the guy who had yelled at me (I was acting much much less stable than the patients in the psych hospital).  People kept trying to come and talk to me about what happened and why was I crying?  I understood that this was unreasonable, and even kind of thought it was funny...but I just couldn't stop the emotional reaction.  The guy in charge came back and gave me the "Ok, stop making a scene and come out and help again," speech.  I really wanted to.  But every time I stepped out of the office, the shaking and tears would start again, it was like magic.  I ended up going home.  I almost didn't become a social worker after that.

Great story, right?

Today was kinda like that but not as bad.  Ha, maybe that was actually more embarrassing than today, but further in the past so easier to tell about :)

Comments

Bill said…
I was talking about you to your niece Hailey yesterday. I was giving here the evil eye for dropping food on the floor. She was giving me puppy eyes back! I told her you had the best puppy eyes ever!
11:27 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Taking Back Alaska

Image
Bear watching/clam digging in Alaska I came to Salt Lake at the tail end of the worst 6 months of my life.  After a huge disappointment in the love department I managed to still attend enough classes and beg for enough extra time to finish enough final papers to graduate with my masters degree.  For months after I felt the pressure and feelings of failure of not being able to find a job. I separated my shoulder and so I was not able to run or hike or bike or play frisbee or even swim...basically everything that keeps me happy, healthy, and connected.  I tried to deal with it...and by that I mean I watched every episode of Parks and Recreation.  I spent hours applying for jobs and more hours sitting in parks reading, hoping no one could tell how pathetic I felt. I did the mind-numbing walk/run up and down 'the Y' over and over because it was the only thing I could do with my injury that was challenging but safe.  I was offered a job in St. George.  ...
Read more

my broken heart

Image
Tonight is among the first chilly nights of Fall.  I decide to wear the almost-too-warm but irresistibly soft zebra stripe pajamas my mom just sent me with my purple jacket as I lay under the stars on my lawn.  Just thinking.  Wondering.  I give myself a few hours to try to feel better...and then it is 11.  I go inside and lay on my bed.  I don't know what has been wrong with me lately.  I ask Heavenly Father, or maybe I'm really asking myself, "What is the source of all this pain I feel?"  I have everything to be grateful for.  Everything.  But I still feel this gnawing pain for something I can't escape and can't identify.  I feel my mind slipping over a certain emotional place every time I try to pin-point it.  It's hard to describe.  There's something there making me sad and someday I'll figure out what it is. A tear slips out of the corner of my eye, so slowly that it dries before it falls to the pillow. ...
Read more

My truth about "pretty"

Image
Is this a pretty picture of me?  Should I put it on facebook?  Someone might see it and then know that sometimes I'm not as pretty as I am in other pictures.  I know I'm just not as objectively attractive as some no matter how flattering the picture.  But does this one qualify as 'pretty' to someone who has never seen me before?   Do I trust someone who doesn't know me to see that I am brave because this picture is hiding none of my flaws?  The wrinkles around my eyes, the dark shadows under them, my wider nose, my puffy cheeks that hide my cheekbones. That's the honest way I look.   Why is this hard?  I think who I am is beautiful and what I look like cannot be separated from who I am.  I was hiking, I was in the mountains, I was awe-struck by the beauty around me, I was totally happy.  It makes me sorrowful to reflect on how much I worry about if I look pretty. Every girls wants to be told they are pretty, right? No....
Read more